I always loved the movie "Thelma and Louise." I thought the only thing wrong with it was the ending. Instead of clasping hands while driving the car off the cliff, I thought Thelma and Louise should have been giving the police the "rigid digit," i.e., the finger.
Well, yesterday I did the equivalent of driving the car off the cliff AND giving the finger. At least in my world. Without saying more, I walked away from a situation that wasn't working for me, hadn't been working for me. A situation that I initially tried to make work against my better judgment. I walked away, leaving others to pick up the mess. I had had enough and couldn't bear to remain one minute longer. It reminded me of when my friend Sheila was breaking up with her bankrupt-but-fronting-using-her-money boyfriend. Like a debtor to a collection agency, he asked her, "Can't you give me just thirty days?" She replied, "I can't give you another thirty seconds."
Yesterday, neither could I.
Call it midlife crisis, call it Anne Heche "Celestia" crazy, but I had made it to the finish line of my commitment spiritually bedraggled and running on empty, and I couldn't take a second more. I had nothing to show for my time. Almost a year wasted. Alot of passive aggressive behavior on everyone's part, including mine, especially considering how I exited. It wasn't pretty. And I had stopped caring and checked out long before I left.
I was a bad girl. But hey, whatcha gonna do?
As they say, good girls rarely make history.
Will this be a bad mark on my reputation? You betcha.
Do I care? Well, kind of. It's not in my nature to act this way. I usually overcompensate for walking away, trying to leave the person or persons in a better position than when I left.
But when you feel like you've been treated as less than, talked to like you're stupid, and criticized for efforts you know in your right mind were good and better than most, you have to take that glass of Kool-Aid your critics would have you drink and throw it in their face.
And walk away.
But not without giving the finger first.
2 comments:
Wow, good for you! I need to read this entry every day, or at least until I walk away.
I just found your blog and it's AMAZING. You are a very talented writer.
Keep working on your book. You should be get published--I know because I work in publishing.
I think you should write about your mother. She is a true heroine.
Dot Com Mom,
Thanks for your kind words. Not a day goes by that I don't think about and miss my mom. She was my heroine. I know it sounds cliched, but she taught me to walk this earth as a proud, independent woman. Since I don't have daughters, I try to pass on her wisdom and wit to every woman I know.
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