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BMNB is out of town for a conference until Friday. I am completely out of whack.

When I was single, I never depended on the rhythm of someone else's life to set the rhythm of my own. It kind of creeps up on you when you're married, and you don't realize it until your spouse is gone for a significant amount of time.

When BMNB worked in the Bay Area and came home on weekends, I carried on as if I were single. I handled the bills, the dog, the cleaning, etc. Weekends were our time to catch up, and I didn't like wasting them on trivial stuff I could handle by myself.

But now that we live together full time, my what a wuss I've become! I'm spoiled, and I admit it. I am used to waking up to the sight of a handsome, naked man getting into the shower. I'm used to having someone to cuddle with when I come to bed, no matter how late. I'm used to having someone make up the bed shortly after I get out of it. I'm used to someone making my eggs for breakfast. (To my credit, I make my own coffee and toast.) I'm used to someone emptying and filling the dishwasher, taking out the trash, putting the garbage cans on the curb for garbage pickup, and picking up the dog poop. I'm used to someone dealing with service providers -- the water man from the city, the plumber, the contractor. I'm used to someone else being "The Verminator" and dealing with killing flies, Black Widows, and whatnot.

All of BMNB's daily routine triggers my own. Without him, whatever there is of my daily routine goes down the toilet. I sleep late, eat crap for breakfast, don't make the bed, and run the dishwasher when the dishes start to smell. But for the fact that our garbage can is rank, I would put off taking it to the curb for garbage collection until BMNB returns.

I can't wait until he returns, if for no other reason, to get back on track.

I'm spoiled. I admit it. You're probably wondering what I add to this marital equation, right?

Well, I cook. Okay, I cook when I feel like it, but I do a pretty good job when I do.

I clean out the fridge, pay the bills -- okay, I pay them online, but still -- grocery shop, plan the menus (when I cook) and walk and care for the dog (who is senile and suffering separation anxiety). Oh, and I can shop like a MF. This came in handy big time when BMNB had to go shopping to get clothes and shoes for his trip. He hates shopping and he sucks at it. I, on the other hand, take to shopping for others like a paratrooper dropped behind enemy lines. I accomplish my mission and get the hell out. BMNB likes that about me.

I keep the hardwood floors looking pretty spiffy. Does that count?

Oh, and I garden. The trellises, flowering vines, rose bushes and veggie garden? All me. BMNB waters. He's more of a "mow and blow" kind of guy.

I'm organizing the closet. I've put up shelf dividers and boxed and labeled most of my shoes (BMNB is still at a loss as to why women need so many shoes. I told him shoes are porn for women.) Does that count?

No matter what, I miss BMNB and can't wait for him to come home.

What a wuss I've become!


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