What the GOP Could Learn from a P-I-M-P (And Get the Government Running Again) (NSFW)

We're on Day 14 of the government shutdown, all because Speaker Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell don't know how to keep their party in check.  There's a lot that the GOP could learn from a P-I-M-P.  Hell, there's a lot they could have learned from Nancy Pelosi, who still keeps her party in check without benefit or need of the title of Speaker.

Mind you, I've written admiringly about pimps before, not because I respect what they do, but because I respect their ability to get something so morally bankrupt done with minimal (or minimized) transaction costs.  If pimps (well, real pimps, not government pimps) were running the GOP, Senator Ted Cruz' idiot idea of shutting down the government until Obamacare was defunded would not have gotten far. (And kudos to Bob Schieffer for repeatedly asking how the GOP let Ted Cruz get this far.  As far as I'm concerned, Bob Schieffer is the only thinking journalist on the Sunday morning talk show circuit.)

You see, pimpin' runs on rules and hierarchy that maintain smooth relations (and pardon the language -- it's the language of pimpin', not mine).  Rule:  A bitch can't look a pimp in the eye.  Rule:  When a pimp is walking on the sidewalk, a bitch gets off of it.  Rule:  A bitch can't talk to pimps other than her own.  Rule:  A pimp's bottom bitch has seniority and priority over the pimp's other bitches.

If seniority and hierarchy account for anything, and analogizing to pimpin', how is it that Senator Ted Cruz, who is, shall we say, "new to the game," able to lead a cabal of new bitches to shut down the government without the pimps (party leaders) keeping them in check?  At the very least, no government shutdown formed in Congress should have gone off without the say-so of Speaker Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, as well as the say-so of more senior pimps, uh, leaders, like Senator John McCain (Mack of the Year, 2008).  Even if the party leaders agreed with it, they, and not the Tea Party bitches new to the game, should have been leading the shutdown and deciding what terms would lead to the government's reopening, not the other way around.  GOP, where are your rules?  Where is your hierarchy?  Where is your pimp game?

If Senator Cruz were a bitch, he'd be considered "out of pocket."  The other pimps would have had permission to beat him for being "out of pocket" and leading the other bitches astray.

I guess the GOP's senior pimps, uh, leaders, have absolutely no pimp game whatsoever and definitely less than Nancy Pelosi.  Imagine that.

Could someone from the GOP call Too Short so we can get the government running again?

Oh, and Speaker Boehner, the first rule of pimpin'?  Don't love them bitches.  Just sayin'.