Fill, Baby, Fill!

BP, you done gone and made BMNB mad. And that ain’t easy.

You see, BMNB was born in Mobile, which, if you haven’t noticed, sits on the Gulf of Mexico. And while he’s spent most of his childhood and adulthood in California, Mobile and the Gulf Coast are and always will be home to him. Both Dauphin Island and Daphne were on our short list for places to retire.

But, BP, you done gone and f*&^%# it up. And now BMNB is mad.

Mad because he doesn’t eat seafood from anywhere else BUT the Gulf. I’m serious. We went to dinner in Florida as part of a job interview for me, and he barely spoke to anyone at the dinner table because he was face-down in Gulf seafood. His mother used to have Gulf fish Fedexed to California on dry ice. We attended an event in Denver where a woman from Mississippi had flown in fresh catfish from the Gulf area, and BMNB parked himself by her vat of hot peanut oil, waiting for each piece of gulf catfish to come out, perfectly seasoned and cooked. Why? Because seafood from anywhere else, to his palate, “tastes funny.”

That’s how much BMNB loves the Gulf and its seafood.

So for him, to think that his way of life – even from thousands of miles away – is going to be changed forever because of something a FOREIGN oil company did and is still doing?

He’s hot. If he had his way, they’d be making barrier islands from the corpses of BP executives.

So, long story short, BP, you need to “fill, baby, fill.” And fast. And to those who think we should trust profit-driven corporations when they give us their estimates as to the damage they’ve done in catastrophes like this, I hope you’ve learned that the people who most have the interests of the environment at heart are those who come from or live in that environment and not those who just come to exploit it. All of BP’s previous efforts at containment were probably motivated in part by a desire to preserve the well instead of kill it, if you ask me. This is just another lawsuit to BP; it isn’t personal to them, like it is to the Gulf Coast guy I’m married to.

If I were you, BP, I’d get that well plugged quick, fast, and in a hurry. And if you see a deranged black man coming at you with a weapon in one hand, a fistful of oil-soaked shrimp in the other, and an angry look on his face, that’s my husband and you better duck.

And he ain’t too happy with the federal government’s response, either.