As 2011 comes to a close, I'm happy and sad at the same time. Most of all, I'm filled with hope and optimism. Yes, hope and optimism, even in these trying times.
I'm happy about some of the political developments I've seen, political awakenings among the have-nots -- the Arab Spring, the Occupy Movement. I'm sad for the brilliant people we lost -- Professor Derrick Bell, Teena Marie, Heavy D, Amy Winehouse, Vesta. And I'm optimistic and filled with hope simply because of my garage.
My garage is a metaphor for me.
I started the process of cleaning out my garage back in August, and I didn't finish in time for winter as I had planned. In the process of going through over 30-plus years' worth of stuff, I came across old awards, grades, evaluations of me as a student and as a teacher, term papers, and columns I wrote when I was president of a minority bar association. One of my writing professors from a summer program I was in stated that I was a hard-working perfectionist who, in his estimation, would indeed reach perfection in her writing. Some of the evaluations from my law students stung, others inspired me. A letter of gratitude from a federal judge about whom I'd written a letter to the editor defending him and one of his most controversial decisions brought a smile to my face. I even found a treasure trove of piano books from my teen years, with pieces by Rachmaninoff and Chopin that I can barely read now but had mastered a long time ago. I've also discovered treasures large and small, pictures of long-lost friends, letters from deceased ones -- I even had a letter from Professor Derrick Bell saying that he had decided to move on from full-time law teaching to pursue his new passion -- writing. It buoyed my spirit.
It came to me that my garage is a metaphor for me. My garage, like me, holds hidden or forgotten treasures. Just as my garage houses unopened wedding presents, pictures, and all sorts of things that have the potential to make my still-unsettled house a home, I still hold the potential, hidden or forgotten, to reach goals I'd long ago given up or forgotten about on due to my age or lack of prior success, confidence, or focus.
So my one and only resolution for 2012 is to explore my hidden or forgotten potential and use it to reach goals I'd forgotten or given up on, even if I'm only taking small steps towards those goals.
Here's to my potential and yours, gentle readers. Happy New Year!
Air Ignorance: Negroes, Please.
Air Ignorance: The mass hysteria or obsession that breaks out among broke or middle-class black folks whenever Nike releases a new pair of Michael Jordan athletic shoes.
I don't get it. I don't get the mass hysteria and obsession that breaks out among black folks, especially broke or middle-class black folks, whenever Nike releases a new pair of Michael Jordan athletic shoes, or re-releases said shoes, for that matter. (Here's a tip: If you had to catch a bus or walk to the mall to buy a pair of Air Jordans, you're broke. Save your money and buy a car instead.) I watched news footage from Houston on YouTube about a breakout of Air Ignorance at a mall featuring my people discussing the long wait in the cold to purchase the re-released Air Jordans, with one brother even kissing his newly purchased shoes. Supposedly a purchaser was robbed of his or her new Air Jordans at a bus stop.
Am I the only black person in America who is tired of being represented in the media by other black folks who are more invested in faux status symbols than in common sense? Why does the media look for the lowest common denominator of black folks to showcase to the rest of the world? I guess anything that rebuts the stereotypes about black folks just isn't newsworthy.
I have to admit, I once fell for the Nike hype. My young nephew wanted a pair of Air Jordans in the 90's that cost about $110.00 at the time. I was taken aback that he would even ask for such a thing for Christmas. I told him that I had never paid $110.00 for a pair of shoes for myself, much less for a child. He shot back that I didn't need $110.00 shoes because, unlike him, I didn't play sports. I then told him that it was because my $45.00 Nine West shoes took me to my high-paying gig that I was able to afford $110.00 Nikes and asked him how much money he was going to be able to make with a $110.00 pair of Nikes. He had no answer. I actually bought the shoes for him, but I told him, "These shoes are your Christmas and your birthday presents. I don't want to hear from you about presents until next Christmas." It was about that time that I stopped buying Christmas gifts for him altogether because he didn't see anything abnormal about being a child wanting a $110.00 pair of shoes. I figured his parents should finance his increasingly expensive tastes. Perhaps this wasn't the best way of dealing with it, but I just didn't want to continue to feed whatever it was I was seeing. Looking back, this was an enormous teaching opportunity that I missed. But I never bought a $110.00 pair of shoes for a child ever again. And I wouldn't now, not even if I had children.
I would hope that black folks would find better things to spend money on in a recession than $180 Nikes, especially if we're taking the bus to buy them. I would hope that we would get past the consumerism and the faux status symbols and build some real wealth. I would hope we would invest in educating ourselves instead of continuing to build Michael Jordan's empire. I would hope we would line up around the block in the cold to register to vote. But broke black folks riding the bus to buy Air Jordans? Negroes, please.
I don't get it. I don't get the mass hysteria and obsession that breaks out among black folks, especially broke or middle-class black folks, whenever Nike releases a new pair of Michael Jordan athletic shoes, or re-releases said shoes, for that matter. (Here's a tip: If you had to catch a bus or walk to the mall to buy a pair of Air Jordans, you're broke. Save your money and buy a car instead.) I watched news footage from Houston on YouTube about a breakout of Air Ignorance at a mall featuring my people discussing the long wait in the cold to purchase the re-released Air Jordans, with one brother even kissing his newly purchased shoes. Supposedly a purchaser was robbed of his or her new Air Jordans at a bus stop.
Am I the only black person in America who is tired of being represented in the media by other black folks who are more invested in faux status symbols than in common sense? Why does the media look for the lowest common denominator of black folks to showcase to the rest of the world? I guess anything that rebuts the stereotypes about black folks just isn't newsworthy.
I have to admit, I once fell for the Nike hype. My young nephew wanted a pair of Air Jordans in the 90's that cost about $110.00 at the time. I was taken aback that he would even ask for such a thing for Christmas. I told him that I had never paid $110.00 for a pair of shoes for myself, much less for a child. He shot back that I didn't need $110.00 shoes because, unlike him, I didn't play sports. I then told him that it was because my $45.00 Nine West shoes took me to my high-paying gig that I was able to afford $110.00 Nikes and asked him how much money he was going to be able to make with a $110.00 pair of Nikes. He had no answer. I actually bought the shoes for him, but I told him, "These shoes are your Christmas and your birthday presents. I don't want to hear from you about presents until next Christmas." It was about that time that I stopped buying Christmas gifts for him altogether because he didn't see anything abnormal about being a child wanting a $110.00 pair of shoes. I figured his parents should finance his increasingly expensive tastes. Perhaps this wasn't the best way of dealing with it, but I just didn't want to continue to feed whatever it was I was seeing. Looking back, this was an enormous teaching opportunity that I missed. But I never bought a $110.00 pair of shoes for a child ever again. And I wouldn't now, not even if I had children.
I would hope that black folks would find better things to spend money on in a recession than $180 Nikes, especially if we're taking the bus to buy them. I would hope that we would get past the consumerism and the faux status symbols and build some real wealth. I would hope we would invest in educating ourselves instead of continuing to build Michael Jordan's empire. I would hope we would line up around the block in the cold to register to vote. But broke black folks riding the bus to buy Air Jordans? Negroes, please.
Dear Santa, Can We Cut A Deal?
Dear Santa,
I'm a lawyer. That means I basically grew up thinking just about anything was negotiable. I think this "naughty or nice" thing should be negotiable because, for one, your terms are vague, and two, whether my wishes are fulfilled shouldn't be an "either-or" proposition. Santa, behavior is way more complicated than that. We lawyers see shades of gray where other folks see only black or white, and we are highly compensated, unless we work for the State of California, for seeing those shades of gray. They're called "legal argument."
So Santa, think we can cut a deal on this whole "naughty or nice" thing?
First, some things need to be taken off the "naughty" table. Santa, what happens between two consenting married people in the privacy of their bedroom or other places with smooth surfaces shouldn't make the "naughty" list. BMNB didn't date me on and off for twenty years and then marry me just because of the intellectual conversation, Santa. I'm just sayin'. Some of my "naughty" has been pretty nice to him. Just because you see us when we're sleeping doesn't mean you should be watching, Santa. That's just kinda pervy, if you ask me.
Second, some of the nice things should be weighed against the naughty ones to come to a determination as to whether my wishes will be fulfilled. That's only fair, Santa.
So, here goes with the naughty things I've done this year:
I'm still not on speaking terms with some members of my family. But Santa, I have so much more peace in my life because I'm not. Do I have to give up my peace to be on good terms with people who wreck my peace just because they're related to me? No arrest warrants or restraining orders were issued because I kept to myself, Santa. I hate to stereotype, Santa, but in a black family, that's huge.
I embarrassed a public official in a public meeting. But he deserved it, Santa, because he misrepresented something and I called him on it. I did it for the good of the tax-paying public, Santa. I consider that pro bono publico, Santa. Not entirely naughty in my book.
I didn't visit my in-laws down south this summer. I allowed my work to get in the way of traveling with BMNB. That I do regret.
I did go off on some of my co-workers in a meeting. But they deserved it, Santa, really they did. I had returned from vacation and they were all on my back about getting something done that was nowhere near being late, while another co-worker who was late on a project was being allowed to skate. So I called them on it, Santa. I don't regret that, but it was naughty.
Oh, and I may have told a few people to kiss my pretty black ass, Santa, but I come by that naturally. My mom used to tell people that all the time, and I'm sure she's in heaven. I think you should overlook that, Santa.
Now for the nice:
I cooked more this year, relatively speaking. No, Santa, I'm not trying to get over on you, statistically speaking. I know that when you go from not cooking at all to cooking once, that is essentially a 100% increase. I did cook more than once, Santa. Not much more than once, but I did cook more than once. BMNB has not starved to death. Yet.
I lost weight. I joined Weight Watchers again (Yes, Santa, I know I'm to Weight Watchers what Lindsay Lohan is to rehab), and I lost weight. Mind you, when they switched our meeting leader to this insipidly happy chick, I stopped going and regained some of the weight. But I'm really going back, Santa, really I am.
I finished my book. That's huge, Santa. I should get major points for that.
I grew vegetables last summer and gave them away. No, Santa, they didn't go to the needy. They went to my neighbors and my sisters. Is that any less nice?
I took BMNB to see one of his favorite singers, Anthony Hamilton, in concert for his birthday.
I fed my sister's cats while she was away at a retreat. Okay, I know I'm reaching here, Santa, since I really adore her cats, but it was still nice of me to do so.
I gave out legal advice to relatives. Yeah, Santa, I know -- I'm supposed to do that.
I gave up red meat, dairy, and caffeine. Okay, Santa, fine -- I'm giving up red meat, dairy and caffeine. Yeah, you saw me last week with that applewood-smoked bacon and Gruyere grilled cheese sandwich.
Come to think of it, Santa, maybe I haven't been all that nice after all. But when you consider what I want for Christmas, I think you'd be willing to cut me a deal.
Okay, Santa, here's what I want:
A son for BMNB.
Yeah, I know -- we basically flunked our adoption classes last year as no-shows. But we've gotten our priorities in order and I think BMNB is really ready to become a dad. He's had lots of practice with our great-nieces and great-nephews, and I think he really longs to shape the direction of a young African-American boy in need of a father. It would really make him happy, and anything that makes him happy makes me even more happy.
So Santa, think we can cut a deal?
Thanks for reading, Santa.
Black Woman Blogging
P.S. Santa, I wouldn't be mad if you made it two boys, as long as they don't leave the seat down when they pee. I hate that.
I'm a lawyer. That means I basically grew up thinking just about anything was negotiable. I think this "naughty or nice" thing should be negotiable because, for one, your terms are vague, and two, whether my wishes are fulfilled shouldn't be an "either-or" proposition. Santa, behavior is way more complicated than that. We lawyers see shades of gray where other folks see only black or white, and we are highly compensated, unless we work for the State of California, for seeing those shades of gray. They're called "legal argument."
So Santa, think we can cut a deal on this whole "naughty or nice" thing?
First, some things need to be taken off the "naughty" table. Santa, what happens between two consenting married people in the privacy of their bedroom or other places with smooth surfaces shouldn't make the "naughty" list. BMNB didn't date me on and off for twenty years and then marry me just because of the intellectual conversation, Santa. I'm just sayin'. Some of my "naughty" has been pretty nice to him. Just because you see us when we're sleeping doesn't mean you should be watching, Santa. That's just kinda pervy, if you ask me.
Second, some of the nice things should be weighed against the naughty ones to come to a determination as to whether my wishes will be fulfilled. That's only fair, Santa.
So, here goes with the naughty things I've done this year:
I'm still not on speaking terms with some members of my family. But Santa, I have so much more peace in my life because I'm not. Do I have to give up my peace to be on good terms with people who wreck my peace just because they're related to me? No arrest warrants or restraining orders were issued because I kept to myself, Santa. I hate to stereotype, Santa, but in a black family, that's huge.
I embarrassed a public official in a public meeting. But he deserved it, Santa, because he misrepresented something and I called him on it. I did it for the good of the tax-paying public, Santa. I consider that pro bono publico, Santa. Not entirely naughty in my book.
I didn't visit my in-laws down south this summer. I allowed my work to get in the way of traveling with BMNB. That I do regret.
I did go off on some of my co-workers in a meeting. But they deserved it, Santa, really they did. I had returned from vacation and they were all on my back about getting something done that was nowhere near being late, while another co-worker who was late on a project was being allowed to skate. So I called them on it, Santa. I don't regret that, but it was naughty.
Oh, and I may have told a few people to kiss my pretty black ass, Santa, but I come by that naturally. My mom used to tell people that all the time, and I'm sure she's in heaven. I think you should overlook that, Santa.
Now for the nice:
I cooked more this year, relatively speaking. No, Santa, I'm not trying to get over on you, statistically speaking. I know that when you go from not cooking at all to cooking once, that is essentially a 100% increase. I did cook more than once, Santa. Not much more than once, but I did cook more than once. BMNB has not starved to death. Yet.
I lost weight. I joined Weight Watchers again (Yes, Santa, I know I'm to Weight Watchers what Lindsay Lohan is to rehab), and I lost weight. Mind you, when they switched our meeting leader to this insipidly happy chick, I stopped going and regained some of the weight. But I'm really going back, Santa, really I am.
I finished my book. That's huge, Santa. I should get major points for that.
I grew vegetables last summer and gave them away. No, Santa, they didn't go to the needy. They went to my neighbors and my sisters. Is that any less nice?
I took BMNB to see one of his favorite singers, Anthony Hamilton, in concert for his birthday.
I fed my sister's cats while she was away at a retreat. Okay, I know I'm reaching here, Santa, since I really adore her cats, but it was still nice of me to do so.
I gave out legal advice to relatives. Yeah, Santa, I know -- I'm supposed to do that.
I gave up red meat, dairy, and caffeine. Okay, Santa, fine -- I'm giving up red meat, dairy and caffeine. Yeah, you saw me last week with that applewood-smoked bacon and Gruyere grilled cheese sandwich.
Come to think of it, Santa, maybe I haven't been all that nice after all. But when you consider what I want for Christmas, I think you'd be willing to cut me a deal.
Okay, Santa, here's what I want:
A son for BMNB.
Yeah, I know -- we basically flunked our adoption classes last year as no-shows. But we've gotten our priorities in order and I think BMNB is really ready to become a dad. He's had lots of practice with our great-nieces and great-nephews, and I think he really longs to shape the direction of a young African-American boy in need of a father. It would really make him happy, and anything that makes him happy makes me even more happy.
So Santa, think we can cut a deal?
Thanks for reading, Santa.
Black Woman Blogging
P.S. Santa, I wouldn't be mad if you made it two boys, as long as they don't leave the seat down when they pee. I hate that.
The Devil Don't Celebrate Christmas
They could not have been more than twenty words, but those words, recirculated in a family email, caused hurt and anger to a member of my family.
After reading the words and writing my own indirect apology (I wasn't part of the email chain), I had to get up from my keyboard and remind myself that this is still Christmas and I still have a ton of work to do to get my house ready for the large family Christmas dinner BMNB and I will host. That I was to be an instrument of peace and joy this Christmas, to the best of my ability.
Those words also reminded me of a sermon at my husband's church that boiled down to this: Guard your peace. I don't know what it is about the holidays, but somehow evil people feel the need to let loose with whatever comes into their minds, no matter how evil and hurtful it is, as did the author of the email in question. And it reminded me of this:
The devil don't celebrate Christmas, and evil don't take no holidays.
In the midst of all our celebrations, there will be many assaults on our peace, from unexpected quarters, no less. Like family. As my husband's pastor said, "The devil will use your own mama."
So when your peace is assaulted, take a breath, step back, and say to your offender, "My bad. I forgot the devil don't celebrate Christmas."
Guard your peace, folks. Guard your peace. 'cause the devil don't celebrate Christmas and evil don't take no holidays. Understand what you're up against.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and, most of all, Peace Be Unto You and Yours.
BWB
After reading the words and writing my own indirect apology (I wasn't part of the email chain), I had to get up from my keyboard and remind myself that this is still Christmas and I still have a ton of work to do to get my house ready for the large family Christmas dinner BMNB and I will host. That I was to be an instrument of peace and joy this Christmas, to the best of my ability.
Those words also reminded me of a sermon at my husband's church that boiled down to this: Guard your peace. I don't know what it is about the holidays, but somehow evil people feel the need to let loose with whatever comes into their minds, no matter how evil and hurtful it is, as did the author of the email in question. And it reminded me of this:
The devil don't celebrate Christmas, and evil don't take no holidays.
In the midst of all our celebrations, there will be many assaults on our peace, from unexpected quarters, no less. Like family. As my husband's pastor said, "The devil will use your own mama."
So when your peace is assaulted, take a breath, step back, and say to your offender, "My bad. I forgot the devil don't celebrate Christmas."
Guard your peace, folks. Guard your peace. 'cause the devil don't celebrate Christmas and evil don't take no holidays. Understand what you're up against.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and, most of all, Peace Be Unto You and Yours.
BWB
My Family's Revolution: Credit, Budgets, Sou-Sou's, and Gentle Nudges
CAVEAT: The information provided below is not intended to provide legal advice or create an attorney-client relationship. Please consult your attorney for legal advice.
Dear Gentle Readers,
I promised you a seat at the table of my family's revolution to become financially savvy, prosperous, and free. We held our second meeting of "Something to Think About: A Series of Family Talks," and, over Mexican food (Beef Enchiladas, Chili Chicken, Vegetarian Tamale Pie, Vegetarian Black Bean Soup) and white Sangria (Maso Canali pinot grigio, brandy, orange juice, sugar, triple sec, vanilla, citrus slices), we laughed and learned during our discussion of the first two modules of the Financial Literary section of the talks, which addressed credit and budgeting. I shared my bad credit stories (What do Oprah and I have in common? We both had our credit cards snatched and cut up by a cashier on orders of the issuer.), and we talked about changing our attitude towards credit -- it's a game, not a personal reflection -- and budgeting -- a budget is a spending plan, not a limitation.
We also started our family sou-sou, and with four couples and two individuals contributing $25 each, one couple who will be celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary on December 20th happened to get the first payout. We will meet monthly and contribute $25 each until each participating couple or individual has received a full $150 payout. A sou-sou isn't anything but a savings circle, as I wrote in my blog entry, "Got Sou-Sou?". It's the timing of receiving those savings that can mean all the difference.
Finally, we ended our meeting with what I called "The Department of Gentle Nudges: Encouragement from Your Elders to Reach Your Goals." We each went around the room and talked about the goals we're pursuing and need some uplifting encouragement for. Excuse me if I brag for a minute, but I'm just as proud as can be about what my family is doing. Two members of the group are going back to college, two are starting businesses, BMNB and I are studying for our real estate licenses, and two are looking to move up in the jobs they have. We applauded each other and gave each other advice, books, and, most important, encouragement.
Next month we meet to round out the financial literacy section by discussing retirement planning, investment and insurance. I don't know what will be on the menu, but I better make it good!
Below please find the agenda and module outlines.
Oh, and for those outside the family who have requested to Skype in, well, I don't think my family is ready to share all their personal business quite yet. But you'll still get the materials.
Here's to my family's revolution. And yours.
BWB
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
A Series of Family Talks
AGENDA
December 3, 2011
5:00 pm to 7:00 pm
I. Prayer and Call to Order
II. Purpose of “Something to Think About”
· Knowledge: Share What We Know (mistakes and all), Learn What We Don’t
· Encouragement: Helping Each Other Reach Our Goals
· Action: Holding Each Other Accountable for Taking Positive Steps Toward Our Goals
III. Five Goals for The Family
· Financial Literacy
· Home Ownership
· Having a Career
· Educating Our Kids to Prepare Them for College or a Vocation
· Multiple Streams of Income
IV. Topics to be Covered Today – Financial Literacy
a. Financial Literacy
· Credit
· Budgeting
V. Starting Our Family Sou-Sou
VI. The Department of Gentle Nudges: Encouragement from The Elders to Achieve Our Goals
VII. Adjourn; Next Meeting January 7, 2012
Something to Think About
A series of family meetings
Financial Literacy
Module 1: Credit
Disclaimer: We are not experts or role models with respect to credit. We’re only sharing what we know. You will need to do more research on your own for additional answers or clarification.
I. First Things First: Credit is a game and a tool, not a personal reflection on you.
o Bad people have good credit, and good people have declared bankruptcy. The leading cause of personal bankruptcies is medical bills, not extravagant spending.
o Having good credit is simply a function of understanding how credit scores are determined and using that knowledge and money management to get and maintain a good credit, period. Learn how the credit game is played and play to win.
II. Why Good Credit Matters – Credit can affect the following:
· Employment. Employers are increasingly running credit checks to determine whether to hire
· More Credit. Lenders and credit card companies are increasingly using minimum credit scores to determine whether to extend credit.
· Insurance. Insurance companies use credit scores to determine what your rates will be.
· Banking. Some banks will not allow you to open a checking or savings account without a certain minimum credit score or if you have a record in ChexSystem for mishandling a prior bank account.
· Renting. Landlords and property management companies use your credit report and/or credit scores to decide whether to rent to you. (Note: Joe and I have routinely looked at potential tenants’ credit reports in deciding whom to allow Joe’s property management company to rent out his townhome.)
· Student loans. Bad credit can keep you from getting student loans.
III. Basics To Know About Credit
a. The difference between a credit report and a credit score:
o A credit report is a report listing your creditors, your credit limit and how much you owe each credit, how many payments you’ve made on time or late, and any debts that have gone to collection agencies, among other things. Credit reports are generated by credit reporting agencies (CRA’s).
o A credit score is a number reflecting your credit-worthiness based on what is in your credit report. Although credit report agencies have created their own credit score, the credit score used most commonly is the Fair-Isaac Company, Inc. score, or FICO score. Everyone has three FICO scores – each is based on the information in their credit reports from each of the three credit reporting agencies.
b. What are credit reporting agencies and who they are:
o A credit reporting agency, or CRA, is an organization to which lenders, credit card companies, and other creditors report information about your payment history on accounts you hold with them. The CRA in turn provides this information to organizations you are seeking credit from (lenders, credit card companies, cell phone companies) or people you are attempting to do business with (landlords, utilities, etc.)
o The three main CRAs are Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax. And they don’t get the same information from all your creditors, so the FICO scores based on their credit reports for you may be different.
So, here’s how it goes:
Info on how
you pay your bills credit reports FICO Score
Your creditors----------------->CRAs---------------->Fair, Isaacs--------------->lenders
c. How your FICO score is determined (from the MyFICO.com website):
o Payment History: 35%
§ Account payment information on specific types of accounts (credit cards, installment loans, finance company accounts, mortgage, etc.)
§ Presence of adverse public records (bankruptcy, judgments, suits, liens, wage attachments, etc.), collection items, and/or delinquency (past due items)
§ Severity of delinquency (how long past due)
§ Amount past due on delinquent accounts or collection items
§ Time since (recentness of) past due items (delinquency), adverse public records (if any), or collection items (if any)
§ Number of past due items on file
§ Number of accounts paid as agreed
o Amounts Owed: 30%
§ Amount owing on accounts
§ Amount owing on specific types of accounts
§ Lack of a specific type of balance, in some cases
§ Number of accounts with balances
§ Proportion of credit lines used (proportion of balances to total credit limits on certain types of revolving accounts)
§ Proportion of installment loan amounts still owing (proportion of balance to original loan amount on certain types of installment loans)
o Length of Credit History: 15%
§ Time since accounts opened
§ Time since accounts opened, by specific type of account
§ Time since account activity
o New Credit: 10%
§ Number of recently opened accounts, and proportion of accounts that are recently opened, by type of account
§ Number of recent credit inquiries
§ Time since recent account opening(s), by type of account
§ Re-establishment of positive credit history following past payment problems
o Types of Credit Used: 10%
§ Number of (presence, prevalence, and recent information on) various types of accounts (credit cards, retail accounts, installment loans, mortgage, consumer finance accounts, etc.)
d. What’s A Good FICO Score?
o 700 is the standard score at which you qualify for lower interest rates and mortgages.
IV. How To Get Credit
o Secured Personal Loan: You can ask for a secured personal loan from your bank. A secured personal loan is a loan in which you deposit the amount you want to borrow with the bank as savings you are not allowed access to and then pay it back. Once you pay the loan back, the amount you deposited as savings becomes yours. If you fail to pay the loan, the bank takes the savings.
o Become an “Authorized User” On Someone Else’s Account: You can ask someone who has a credit card to become an authorized user on his or her account. FICO considers the payment history of authorized users in determining their FICO scores. However, if you or the owner of the account fails to pay on time, it will affect both your credit scores.
o Get A Co-Signer: If you can’t get credit on your own for a car, a credit card, etc., having a co-signer may allow you to qualify if you wouldn’t otherwise qualify. However, if you fail to pay, the co-signer becomes obligated to pay the debt and both your credit scores can be ruined. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t co-sign for anybody but Jesus, but that’s just me.
o Store Credit Cards: It’s common knowledge that department stores have lower standards for extending credit than other kind of credit issuers.
V. How To Ruin Credit
o Don’t pay your bills
o Don’t pay your bills on time
o Allow unpaid bills to go to collections
o Allow collections to become judgments
o Co-sign for someone or allow someone to become an authorized user on your accounts and that person fails to pay or pay on time.
o Agree to pay a bill that’s in collections and beyond the statute of limitations – it starts the statute of limitations all over
o Don’t use credit at all. Not having any credit is the same as having bad credit because your FICO score has no credit information to score you on, so you end up with a low FICO score, which is the same as having bad credit.
o Max out your credit cards. Charging up to or near the limit of your credit cards lowers your FICO score.
VI. How to Rebuild Credit
o Dispute inaccuracies on your credit report. CRAs aren’t diligent about making sure the information on your credit report is accurate. Disputing someone else’s bad credit information on your credit report can improve your credit score. You can get a free copy of your credit report from annualcreditreport.com.
o Dispute true but bad information on your credit report that’s more than seven years old.
o Start getting new credit (see Section IV above).
o Consider NOT paying any accounts that have gone to collections unless you are threatened with being sued. Once an account goes to collections, paying it will not remove the account from your credit report unless you negotiate with the collection agency to do so. Even then, you would have to enforce the agreement.
o Pay off your existing credit cards by choosing the one with the lowest balance or the one with the highest interest rate first. Pay one off, take the money that would go toward that account and pay off the next.
o Check your credit reports and FICO scores annually to make sure good information is showing up on your credit reports and inaccurate, bad information isn’t.
o Seek credit counseling.
VII. How Not To Use Credit
o Don’t use credit to raise your standard of living. If you depend on credit to make it through the month, at some point you will run out of credit.
o Don’t ignore the annual percentage rate (APR) you’re paying for credit. The higher the APR, the more money it will take to pay off the debt.
o Don’t use credit as a substitute for savings.
o Don’t make only minimum payments. It will take you longer to pay off the balance and it will cost you more in interest.
VIII. Resources
o Online resources
§ Creditboards.com. Everything you want to know about getting and repairing credit is there.
§ Liz Weston’s personal finance column on MSN.com (http://money.msn.com/common/commentary.aspx#weston)
§ MyFico.com.
§ Equifax.com (Equifax Credit Reporting Agency)
§ TransUnion.com (TransUnion Credit Reporting Agency)
§ Experian.com (Experian Credit Reporting Agency)
§ Annualcreditreport.com
o Resources provided in hard copy
§ “Don’t Ignore That Debt Collector,” Liz Weston, MSN.com, http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/ManageDebt/dont-ignore-that-debt-collector.aspx
§ “Debt Collector Call Script,” http://www.fair-debt-collection.com/Disputing_Collections/collector-call-script.html
§ “7 Fast Fixes for Your Credit Scores,” Liz Weston, MSN.com, http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/YourCreditRating/weston-7-fast-fixes-for-your-credit-scores.aspx?page=1
§ “7 Nasty Credit Myths That Won’t Die,” Liz Weston, MSN.com, http://money.msn.com/credit-rating/7-nasty-credit-myths-that-will-not-die-weston.aspx
§ “Understanding Your Credit Score,” http://www.myfico.com/Downloads/Files/myFICO_UYFS_Booklet.pdf
§ “Fixing Credit Report Errors,” myFICO.com, http://www.myfico.com/crediteducation/rights/fixinganerror.aspx
§ “Credit Report Rights,” MyFICO.com, http://www.myfico.com/CreditEducation/Rights/CreditReportRights.aspx
o Suggested Reading
§ Glinda Bridgforth, “Girl, Get Your Credit Straight”
§ Liz Weston, “Your Credit Score: How To Improve That 3-Digit Number That Shapes Your Financial Future (4th ed. 2011)
Something to Think About
A series of family meetings
Financial Literacy
Module 2: Budget
Disclaimer: We are not experts or role models with respect to budgeting. We’re only sharing what we know. You will need to do more research on your own for additional answers or clarification.
I. First Things First: A budget is not a limitation; it’s your plan for how you intend to manage your money on a monthly basis. Everything runs on budgets – businesses, governments, non-profit organizations, colleges, you name it.
II. Why Budget?
o A budget helps you reduce stress by planning for the unforeseen
o A budget helps you know how you really spend your money as opposed to how you think you spend your money
o A budget helps you plan to achieve financial goals like saving for a downpayment on a house, going on vacation, or planning for retirement
o A budget helps you plan for retirement by giving you an idea of how much you would need to earn in retirement to maintain your current standard of living
o A budget will give married couples and children a realistic idea of how much it costs to run a household
o A budget helps you prioritize how you spend your money according to what is important to you
o A budget helps you communicate to others why you can’t give or lend them money, e.g., “I’m sorry, but my budget won’t allow for it.” What they hear: You’re broke. What you’re really saying: “I have a plan for how I’m spending my money, and you’re not in it.”
III. Budget Basics
o A budget is an ever-changing document. Budgets change when your priorities change (e.g., you add children to the family). It’s okay to adjust your budget. In fact, life requires that you do.
o You will probably not follow your budget to a T, and that’s okay. Give yourself some wiggle room in your budget.
o If you don’t budget in some fun, you will be miserable. A budget that is all sacrifice will be hard to keep.
o There are many ways to budget and many budgeting tools. Find the ones that are right for you.
IV. Budget Methods
o The 50/30/20 method: Determine what your next take-home pay is. Budget 50% of that for needs, 30% of that for wants, and 20% for savings.
o The “Pay Yourself First” method: Put away 20% of any paycheck in savings; use the rest for operating expenses but don’t touch the savings except for emergencies.
o The “Forecasting” method: Examine your bank statements for the last year. Set up categories of expenditures (e.g., mortgage, car payments, car maintenance, etc.). Assign each expenditure to a category. Total up the amount of expenditures for each category for the year, divide by twelve. The amounts you get are your month budgets for each category.
o The “Envelopes” method (YNAB): Assign a certain amount of your take-how pay to particular spending categories, or envelopes, such as savings, groceries, car payments, rent, etc. If you overspend in one category/envelope, you can borrow the money from another category/envelope but you have to replace it.
o The “Track Your Spending” method: Keep track of your spending for a month and base your budget on your actual current spending.
o The “Make It Automatic” method: This is a twist on the “Pay Yourself First” method. David Bach says in his book, “Start Late, Finish Rich,’ that people are lousy at budgeting and that’s why the government gets its money first by taking it from you before you get the rest of your paycheck. Bach says you need to do the same thing when it comes to budgeting for retirement – have 1/8 of your gross income deducted automatically from your paycheck and put in a 401(k). This method can also work for your personal savings – have your savings deducted automatically from your paycheck before you pay anyone else.
V. Resources
o Online resources, software, and apps
o The Dave Ramsey website has lots of tools for budgeting, http://www.daveramsey.com/category/tools/
o David Bach’s website, Finish Rich, helps you inventory where your money actually goes, http://finishrich.com/free_resources/fr_worksheets.php
o You Need A Budget (YNAB) budgeting software http://www.youneedabudget.com/
o Mint.com – free online money management, https://www.mint.com/
o Quicken – money management software
o Microsoft Excel – because sometimes all you really need is a good spreadsheet
o Mvelopes – envelope budgeting money management software, http://www.mvelopes.com/
o EEBA, free iPhone envelope budgeting app
o Suggested reading
o Glinda Bridgforth, “The Basic Money Management Workbook”
o Judy Lawrence, “The Budget Kit”
o Resources provided in hard copy
o YNAB Handbook, http://www.youneedabudget.com/book/
o Dave Ramsey Basic Quickie Budget, http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/
o Dave Ramsey Irregular Income Planning Budget, http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/
o Dave Ramsey Monthly Cash Flow Plan, http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/
o David Bach’s “Where Does Your Money Really Go?” Worksheet, http://finishrich.com/pdf/worksheets-step3.pdf
o David Bach’s “Find Your Stuff” Financial Inventory Worksheet, http://finishrich.com/pdf/worksheets-step1.pdf
o David Bach’s Financial Inventory Worksheet, http://finishrich.com/pdf/worksheets-step2.pdf
Dear Gentle Readers,
I promised you a seat at the table of my family's revolution to become financially savvy, prosperous, and free. We held our second meeting of "Something to Think About: A Series of Family Talks," and, over Mexican food (Beef Enchiladas, Chili Chicken, Vegetarian Tamale Pie, Vegetarian Black Bean Soup) and white Sangria (Maso Canali pinot grigio, brandy, orange juice, sugar, triple sec, vanilla, citrus slices), we laughed and learned during our discussion of the first two modules of the Financial Literary section of the talks, which addressed credit and budgeting. I shared my bad credit stories (What do Oprah and I have in common? We both had our credit cards snatched and cut up by a cashier on orders of the issuer.), and we talked about changing our attitude towards credit -- it's a game, not a personal reflection -- and budgeting -- a budget is a spending plan, not a limitation.
We also started our family sou-sou, and with four couples and two individuals contributing $25 each, one couple who will be celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary on December 20th happened to get the first payout. We will meet monthly and contribute $25 each until each participating couple or individual has received a full $150 payout. A sou-sou isn't anything but a savings circle, as I wrote in my blog entry, "Got Sou-Sou?". It's the timing of receiving those savings that can mean all the difference.
Finally, we ended our meeting with what I called "The Department of Gentle Nudges: Encouragement from Your Elders to Reach Your Goals." We each went around the room and talked about the goals we're pursuing and need some uplifting encouragement for. Excuse me if I brag for a minute, but I'm just as proud as can be about what my family is doing. Two members of the group are going back to college, two are starting businesses, BMNB and I are studying for our real estate licenses, and two are looking to move up in the jobs they have. We applauded each other and gave each other advice, books, and, most important, encouragement.
Next month we meet to round out the financial literacy section by discussing retirement planning, investment and insurance. I don't know what will be on the menu, but I better make it good!
Below please find the agenda and module outlines.
Oh, and for those outside the family who have requested to Skype in, well, I don't think my family is ready to share all their personal business quite yet. But you'll still get the materials.
Here's to my family's revolution. And yours.
BWB
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
A Series of Family Talks
AGENDA
December 3, 2011
5:00 pm to 7:00 pm
I. Prayer and Call to Order
II. Purpose of “Something to Think About”
· Knowledge: Share What We Know (mistakes and all), Learn What We Don’t
· Encouragement: Helping Each Other Reach Our Goals
· Action: Holding Each Other Accountable for Taking Positive Steps Toward Our Goals
III. Five Goals for The Family
· Financial Literacy
· Home Ownership
· Having a Career
· Educating Our Kids to Prepare Them for College or a Vocation
· Multiple Streams of Income
IV. Topics to be Covered Today – Financial Literacy
a. Financial Literacy
· Credit
· Budgeting
V. Starting Our Family Sou-Sou
VI. The Department of Gentle Nudges: Encouragement from The Elders to Achieve Our Goals
VII. Adjourn; Next Meeting January 7, 2012
Something to Think About
A series of family meetings
Financial Literacy
Module 1: Credit
Disclaimer: We are not experts or role models with respect to credit. We’re only sharing what we know. You will need to do more research on your own for additional answers or clarification.
I. First Things First: Credit is a game and a tool, not a personal reflection on you.
o Bad people have good credit, and good people have declared bankruptcy. The leading cause of personal bankruptcies is medical bills, not extravagant spending.
o Having good credit is simply a function of understanding how credit scores are determined and using that knowledge and money management to get and maintain a good credit, period. Learn how the credit game is played and play to win.
II. Why Good Credit Matters – Credit can affect the following:
· Employment. Employers are increasingly running credit checks to determine whether to hire
· More Credit. Lenders and credit card companies are increasingly using minimum credit scores to determine whether to extend credit.
· Insurance. Insurance companies use credit scores to determine what your rates will be.
· Banking. Some banks will not allow you to open a checking or savings account without a certain minimum credit score or if you have a record in ChexSystem for mishandling a prior bank account.
· Renting. Landlords and property management companies use your credit report and/or credit scores to decide whether to rent to you. (Note: Joe and I have routinely looked at potential tenants’ credit reports in deciding whom to allow Joe’s property management company to rent out his townhome.)
· Student loans. Bad credit can keep you from getting student loans.
III. Basics To Know About Credit
a. The difference between a credit report and a credit score:
o A credit report is a report listing your creditors, your credit limit and how much you owe each credit, how many payments you’ve made on time or late, and any debts that have gone to collection agencies, among other things. Credit reports are generated by credit reporting agencies (CRA’s).
o A credit score is a number reflecting your credit-worthiness based on what is in your credit report. Although credit report agencies have created their own credit score, the credit score used most commonly is the Fair-Isaac Company, Inc. score, or FICO score. Everyone has three FICO scores – each is based on the information in their credit reports from each of the three credit reporting agencies.
b. What are credit reporting agencies and who they are:
o A credit reporting agency, or CRA, is an organization to which lenders, credit card companies, and other creditors report information about your payment history on accounts you hold with them. The CRA in turn provides this information to organizations you are seeking credit from (lenders, credit card companies, cell phone companies) or people you are attempting to do business with (landlords, utilities, etc.)
o The three main CRAs are Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax. And they don’t get the same information from all your creditors, so the FICO scores based on their credit reports for you may be different.
So, here’s how it goes:
Info on how
you pay your bills credit reports FICO Score
Your creditors----------------->CRAs---------------->Fair, Isaacs--------------->lenders
c. How your FICO score is determined (from the MyFICO.com website):
o Payment History: 35%
§ Account payment information on specific types of accounts (credit cards, installment loans, finance company accounts, mortgage, etc.)
§ Presence of adverse public records (bankruptcy, judgments, suits, liens, wage attachments, etc.), collection items, and/or delinquency (past due items)
§ Severity of delinquency (how long past due)
§ Amount past due on delinquent accounts or collection items
§ Time since (recentness of) past due items (delinquency), adverse public records (if any), or collection items (if any)
§ Number of past due items on file
§ Number of accounts paid as agreed
o Amounts Owed: 30%
§ Amount owing on accounts
§ Amount owing on specific types of accounts
§ Lack of a specific type of balance, in some cases
§ Number of accounts with balances
§ Proportion of credit lines used (proportion of balances to total credit limits on certain types of revolving accounts)
§ Proportion of installment loan amounts still owing (proportion of balance to original loan amount on certain types of installment loans)
o Length of Credit History: 15%
§ Time since accounts opened
§ Time since accounts opened, by specific type of account
§ Time since account activity
o New Credit: 10%
§ Number of recently opened accounts, and proportion of accounts that are recently opened, by type of account
§ Number of recent credit inquiries
§ Time since recent account opening(s), by type of account
§ Re-establishment of positive credit history following past payment problems
o Types of Credit Used: 10%
§ Number of (presence, prevalence, and recent information on) various types of accounts (credit cards, retail accounts, installment loans, mortgage, consumer finance accounts, etc.)
d. What’s A Good FICO Score?
o 700 is the standard score at which you qualify for lower interest rates and mortgages.
IV. How To Get Credit
o Secured Personal Loan: You can ask for a secured personal loan from your bank. A secured personal loan is a loan in which you deposit the amount you want to borrow with the bank as savings you are not allowed access to and then pay it back. Once you pay the loan back, the amount you deposited as savings becomes yours. If you fail to pay the loan, the bank takes the savings.
o Become an “Authorized User” On Someone Else’s Account: You can ask someone who has a credit card to become an authorized user on his or her account. FICO considers the payment history of authorized users in determining their FICO scores. However, if you or the owner of the account fails to pay on time, it will affect both your credit scores.
o Get A Co-Signer: If you can’t get credit on your own for a car, a credit card, etc., having a co-signer may allow you to qualify if you wouldn’t otherwise qualify. However, if you fail to pay, the co-signer becomes obligated to pay the debt and both your credit scores can be ruined. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t co-sign for anybody but Jesus, but that’s just me.
o Store Credit Cards: It’s common knowledge that department stores have lower standards for extending credit than other kind of credit issuers.
V. How To Ruin Credit
o Don’t pay your bills
o Don’t pay your bills on time
o Allow unpaid bills to go to collections
o Allow collections to become judgments
o Co-sign for someone or allow someone to become an authorized user on your accounts and that person fails to pay or pay on time.
o Agree to pay a bill that’s in collections and beyond the statute of limitations – it starts the statute of limitations all over
o Don’t use credit at all. Not having any credit is the same as having bad credit because your FICO score has no credit information to score you on, so you end up with a low FICO score, which is the same as having bad credit.
o Max out your credit cards. Charging up to or near the limit of your credit cards lowers your FICO score.
VI. How to Rebuild Credit
o Dispute inaccuracies on your credit report. CRAs aren’t diligent about making sure the information on your credit report is accurate. Disputing someone else’s bad credit information on your credit report can improve your credit score. You can get a free copy of your credit report from annualcreditreport.com.
o Dispute true but bad information on your credit report that’s more than seven years old.
o Start getting new credit (see Section IV above).
o Consider NOT paying any accounts that have gone to collections unless you are threatened with being sued. Once an account goes to collections, paying it will not remove the account from your credit report unless you negotiate with the collection agency to do so. Even then, you would have to enforce the agreement.
o Pay off your existing credit cards by choosing the one with the lowest balance or the one with the highest interest rate first. Pay one off, take the money that would go toward that account and pay off the next.
o Check your credit reports and FICO scores annually to make sure good information is showing up on your credit reports and inaccurate, bad information isn’t.
o Seek credit counseling.
VII. How Not To Use Credit
o Don’t use credit to raise your standard of living. If you depend on credit to make it through the month, at some point you will run out of credit.
o Don’t ignore the annual percentage rate (APR) you’re paying for credit. The higher the APR, the more money it will take to pay off the debt.
o Don’t use credit as a substitute for savings.
o Don’t make only minimum payments. It will take you longer to pay off the balance and it will cost you more in interest.
VIII. Resources
o Online resources
§ Creditboards.com. Everything you want to know about getting and repairing credit is there.
§ Liz Weston’s personal finance column on MSN.com (http://money.msn.com/common/commentary.aspx#weston)
§ MyFico.com.
§ Equifax.com (Equifax Credit Reporting Agency)
§ TransUnion.com (TransUnion Credit Reporting Agency)
§ Experian.com (Experian Credit Reporting Agency)
§ Annualcreditreport.com
o Resources provided in hard copy
§ “Don’t Ignore That Debt Collector,” Liz Weston, MSN.com, http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/ManageDebt/dont-ignore-that-debt-collector.aspx
§ “Debt Collector Call Script,” http://www.fair-debt-collection.com/Disputing_Collections/collector-call-script.html
§ “7 Fast Fixes for Your Credit Scores,” Liz Weston, MSN.com, http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/YourCreditRating/weston-7-fast-fixes-for-your-credit-scores.aspx?page=1
§ “7 Nasty Credit Myths That Won’t Die,” Liz Weston, MSN.com, http://money.msn.com/credit-rating/7-nasty-credit-myths-that-will-not-die-weston.aspx
§ “Understanding Your Credit Score,” http://www.myfico.com/Downloads/Files/myFICO_UYFS_Booklet.pdf
§ “Fixing Credit Report Errors,” myFICO.com, http://www.myfico.com/crediteducation/rights/fixinganerror.aspx
§ “Credit Report Rights,” MyFICO.com, http://www.myfico.com/CreditEducation/Rights/CreditReportRights.aspx
o Suggested Reading
§ Glinda Bridgforth, “Girl, Get Your Credit Straight”
§ Liz Weston, “Your Credit Score: How To Improve That 3-Digit Number That Shapes Your Financial Future (4th ed. 2011)
Something to Think About
A series of family meetings
Financial Literacy
Module 2: Budget
Disclaimer: We are not experts or role models with respect to budgeting. We’re only sharing what we know. You will need to do more research on your own for additional answers or clarification.
I. First Things First: A budget is not a limitation; it’s your plan for how you intend to manage your money on a monthly basis. Everything runs on budgets – businesses, governments, non-profit organizations, colleges, you name it.
II. Why Budget?
o A budget helps you reduce stress by planning for the unforeseen
o A budget helps you know how you really spend your money as opposed to how you think you spend your money
o A budget helps you plan to achieve financial goals like saving for a downpayment on a house, going on vacation, or planning for retirement
o A budget helps you plan for retirement by giving you an idea of how much you would need to earn in retirement to maintain your current standard of living
o A budget will give married couples and children a realistic idea of how much it costs to run a household
o A budget helps you prioritize how you spend your money according to what is important to you
o A budget helps you communicate to others why you can’t give or lend them money, e.g., “I’m sorry, but my budget won’t allow for it.” What they hear: You’re broke. What you’re really saying: “I have a plan for how I’m spending my money, and you’re not in it.”
III. Budget Basics
o A budget is an ever-changing document. Budgets change when your priorities change (e.g., you add children to the family). It’s okay to adjust your budget. In fact, life requires that you do.
o You will probably not follow your budget to a T, and that’s okay. Give yourself some wiggle room in your budget.
o If you don’t budget in some fun, you will be miserable. A budget that is all sacrifice will be hard to keep.
o There are many ways to budget and many budgeting tools. Find the ones that are right for you.
IV. Budget Methods
o The 50/30/20 method: Determine what your next take-home pay is. Budget 50% of that for needs, 30% of that for wants, and 20% for savings.
o The “Pay Yourself First” method: Put away 20% of any paycheck in savings; use the rest for operating expenses but don’t touch the savings except for emergencies.
o The “Forecasting” method: Examine your bank statements for the last year. Set up categories of expenditures (e.g., mortgage, car payments, car maintenance, etc.). Assign each expenditure to a category. Total up the amount of expenditures for each category for the year, divide by twelve. The amounts you get are your month budgets for each category.
o The “Envelopes” method (YNAB): Assign a certain amount of your take-how pay to particular spending categories, or envelopes, such as savings, groceries, car payments, rent, etc. If you overspend in one category/envelope, you can borrow the money from another category/envelope but you have to replace it.
o The “Track Your Spending” method: Keep track of your spending for a month and base your budget on your actual current spending.
o The “Make It Automatic” method: This is a twist on the “Pay Yourself First” method. David Bach says in his book, “Start Late, Finish Rich,’ that people are lousy at budgeting and that’s why the government gets its money first by taking it from you before you get the rest of your paycheck. Bach says you need to do the same thing when it comes to budgeting for retirement – have 1/8 of your gross income deducted automatically from your paycheck and put in a 401(k). This method can also work for your personal savings – have your savings deducted automatically from your paycheck before you pay anyone else.
V. Resources
o Online resources, software, and apps
o The Dave Ramsey website has lots of tools for budgeting, http://www.daveramsey.com/category/tools/
o David Bach’s website, Finish Rich, helps you inventory where your money actually goes, http://finishrich.com/free_resources/fr_worksheets.php
o You Need A Budget (YNAB) budgeting software http://www.youneedabudget.com/
o Mint.com – free online money management, https://www.mint.com/
o Quicken – money management software
o Microsoft Excel – because sometimes all you really need is a good spreadsheet
o Mvelopes – envelope budgeting money management software, http://www.mvelopes.com/
o EEBA, free iPhone envelope budgeting app
o Suggested reading
o Glinda Bridgforth, “The Basic Money Management Workbook”
o Judy Lawrence, “The Budget Kit”
o Resources provided in hard copy
o YNAB Handbook, http://www.youneedabudget.com/book/
o Dave Ramsey Basic Quickie Budget, http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/
o Dave Ramsey Irregular Income Planning Budget, http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/
o Dave Ramsey Monthly Cash Flow Plan, http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/
o David Bach’s “Where Does Your Money Really Go?” Worksheet, http://finishrich.com/pdf/worksheets-step3.pdf
o David Bach’s “Find Your Stuff” Financial Inventory Worksheet, http://finishrich.com/pdf/worksheets-step1.pdf
o David Bach’s Financial Inventory Worksheet, http://finishrich.com/pdf/worksheets-step2.pdf
Why Big Daddy (Herman) Cain Should Lose: The Clinton Principle
If you believe the parade of sexual harassment claimants and one alleged mistress, GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain is a mack of epic proportions, a Big Daddy Cain. And clearly the only chocolate sister he has any love for is his wife, although if these claimants and alleged mistress are telling the truth, I would not want to be loved that way.
Even if these ladies are telling the truth, and I'm not saying they aren't, they aren't the reason why Herman Cain should lose the nomination.
I'd be the first to admit that Bill Clinton, unfaithful as he was, was far and away the smartest president we've had in a long time. Unless you were on welfare, life was pretty good under Clinton.
Bill Clinton is precisely why Herman Cain should lose. I would call this the Clinton Principle: As long as you do your job well, no one should care who you screw. But you better damn well do an exceedingly good job.
Herman Cain, in contrast, is incapable of doing the job of POTUS. Why? He's an idiot.
Yep, I said it: Herman Cain is an idiot.
It is absolutely appalling and insulting to listen to him discuss foreign affairs. His dismissiveness of the press is insulting to the public. He's so not ready for primetime. At best, he's ready for naptime.
And that's why Herman Cain should lose. Not because he has an alleged wandering Johnson. Because he's an idiot.
Yep, I said it. And I don't care that he's African-American. He's an idiot.
Bill Clinton wasn't.
Even if these ladies are telling the truth, and I'm not saying they aren't, they aren't the reason why Herman Cain should lose the nomination.
I'd be the first to admit that Bill Clinton, unfaithful as he was, was far and away the smartest president we've had in a long time. Unless you were on welfare, life was pretty good under Clinton.
Bill Clinton is precisely why Herman Cain should lose. I would call this the Clinton Principle: As long as you do your job well, no one should care who you screw. But you better damn well do an exceedingly good job.
Herman Cain, in contrast, is incapable of doing the job of POTUS. Why? He's an idiot.
Yep, I said it: Herman Cain is an idiot.
It is absolutely appalling and insulting to listen to him discuss foreign affairs. His dismissiveness of the press is insulting to the public. He's so not ready for primetime. At best, he's ready for naptime.
And that's why Herman Cain should lose. Not because he has an alleged wandering Johnson. Because he's an idiot.
Yep, I said it. And I don't care that he's African-American. He's an idiot.
Bill Clinton wasn't.
Hey, Occupy Wall Street: Need An Agenda? Take This One!
Dear Occupy Wall Street,
I support you, really I do. But the time has come to move beyond occupying to accomplishing. It's time to adopt an agenda and push it. Need an agenda? Take this one:
1) Re-enact Glass-Steagall.
2) Overturn Citizens United by constitutional amendment and strip corporations of personhood and speech rights.
3) Repeal the Bush tax cuts for the top 1%. If these cuts were supposed to help the "job creators" create jobs, we wouldn't have so much unemployment.
4) Pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting CEOs from making more than 40 times in salary, benefits and stock options than the annual salary of the lowest paid employees in their companies.
5) Break up banks that received TARP money so they're no longer "too big to fail."
6) Prosecute the CEOs of the commercial banks, mortgage lenders, investment banks, and rating agencies that precipitated the real estate bubble.
I know this doesn't encompass all the issues you're protesting about, but it's a good start.
Here's a tagline for you, borrowed from the late comedian Robin Harris:
"We don't die; we occupy."
You're welcome. Rock on, Occupy Wall Street.
I support you, really I do. But the time has come to move beyond occupying to accomplishing. It's time to adopt an agenda and push it. Need an agenda? Take this one:
1) Re-enact Glass-Steagall.
2) Overturn Citizens United by constitutional amendment and strip corporations of personhood and speech rights.
3) Repeal the Bush tax cuts for the top 1%. If these cuts were supposed to help the "job creators" create jobs, we wouldn't have so much unemployment.
4) Pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting CEOs from making more than 40 times in salary, benefits and stock options than the annual salary of the lowest paid employees in their companies.
5) Break up banks that received TARP money so they're no longer "too big to fail."
6) Prosecute the CEOs of the commercial banks, mortgage lenders, investment banks, and rating agencies that precipitated the real estate bubble.
I know this doesn't encompass all the issues you're protesting about, but it's a good start.
Here's a tagline for you, borrowed from the late comedian Robin Harris:
"We don't die; we occupy."
You're welcome. Rock on, Occupy Wall Street.
How To Avoid Becoming a Holiday Hostage
You know the feeling: You're at a holiday party that you either didn't want to attend or realize that you shouldn't have attended. You can't find a polite or other exit because you came with someone else or committed to stay. And you are dying inside of boredom or shame and contemplating faking a heart attack to get out of this sorry POS called a holiday party.
You, my friend, are a holiday hostage. And I'm here to make sure this never happens to you again.
Here are the basics for avoiding becoming a holiday hostage.
1) First, have a game plan that includes a lot of "noes". Before all the holiday events start appearing in folks' minds and on your schedule, find out the ones you want to avoid and calendar in conflicting appointments on your calendar. No one has to know that those appointments are with yourself. If anyone asks if you can attend something, tell them, "I need to check my calendar," followed with, "I'm so sorry, but I committed to getting together with my old friend Mia." They don't need to know that "Mia" is short-hand for "Me, uh, myself, and I." Even better: Tell them you're getting together with THREE dear old friends (Me, myself, and I). They don't need to know who they are.
2) Second, if you have to attend an event, always, ALWAYS, drive yourself. Let any passengers know that when you're ready to go, they either have to leave with you or find a way home. The easiest way to become a holiday hostage is to agree to ride with someone else. There have been events where Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB) and I have ridden in separate cars because I refused to be a hostage.
3) Third, if you can't drive yourself, have someone fake call you with an emergency that will force the driver to take you home. Any woman who dated in the '90s knows this trick: You have your girlfriend call you in the middle of a first date with a fake emergency so you'll have an excuse to leave if you want to. Apply the same to holiday events. If you're enjoying yourself, you stay and thank her for the call. If not, you alert your driver promptly of your "emergency." Who knows? Your driver might want out of this event, too. Even better: Have your driver place the fake call.
4) If you can't drive by yourself because you are going with a spouse or significant other, have an escape code word or phrase. This code word or phrase, once worked into conversation, is your signal that one of you is ready to go and the other better hustle up and git to gittin'. Your code word or phrase needs to be something that will catch your spouse's or significant other's attention without catching the attention of your hosts or other guests, and it needs to be something that isn't so mundane that it would be overlooked. Try a current event and build your code word or phrase around that event. For example, if your code word or phrase is "cadaver dog," build it around the earthquake in Turkey, to wit: "Hey, have you been following the news about that earthquake in Turkey? I hear they've flown in cadaver dogs from the United States to help with the recovery." The earthquake in Turkey is still current news, and "cadaver dog" is enough to get your spouse's attention without alerting others, to wit, whispering in your spouse's or significant other's ear: "If you don't bring your sorry ass on, they're going to need a cadaver dog to find you when I'm done."
5) If you have to ride with someone else for whatever reason and can't have a code word or phrase, bring your favorite alcohol. If you're going to be a holiday hostage, might as well be a drunk one. Instead of feeling bored or ashamed by the event, BECOME the event. Get drunk off your ass, do a strip tease, and make sure you'll never be invited again. Problem solved.
Unless, of course, it's your office party, in which case you might find a pink slip waiting for you when you get back to work.
Happy Holidays!
You, my friend, are a holiday hostage. And I'm here to make sure this never happens to you again.
Here are the basics for avoiding becoming a holiday hostage.
1) First, have a game plan that includes a lot of "noes". Before all the holiday events start appearing in folks' minds and on your schedule, find out the ones you want to avoid and calendar in conflicting appointments on your calendar. No one has to know that those appointments are with yourself. If anyone asks if you can attend something, tell them, "I need to check my calendar," followed with, "I'm so sorry, but I committed to getting together with my old friend Mia." They don't need to know that "Mia" is short-hand for "Me, uh, myself, and I." Even better: Tell them you're getting together with THREE dear old friends (Me, myself, and I). They don't need to know who they are.
2) Second, if you have to attend an event, always, ALWAYS, drive yourself. Let any passengers know that when you're ready to go, they either have to leave with you or find a way home. The easiest way to become a holiday hostage is to agree to ride with someone else. There have been events where Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB) and I have ridden in separate cars because I refused to be a hostage.
3) Third, if you can't drive yourself, have someone fake call you with an emergency that will force the driver to take you home. Any woman who dated in the '90s knows this trick: You have your girlfriend call you in the middle of a first date with a fake emergency so you'll have an excuse to leave if you want to. Apply the same to holiday events. If you're enjoying yourself, you stay and thank her for the call. If not, you alert your driver promptly of your "emergency." Who knows? Your driver might want out of this event, too. Even better: Have your driver place the fake call.
4) If you can't drive by yourself because you are going with a spouse or significant other, have an escape code word or phrase. This code word or phrase, once worked into conversation, is your signal that one of you is ready to go and the other better hustle up and git to gittin'. Your code word or phrase needs to be something that will catch your spouse's or significant other's attention without catching the attention of your hosts or other guests, and it needs to be something that isn't so mundane that it would be overlooked. Try a current event and build your code word or phrase around that event. For example, if your code word or phrase is "cadaver dog," build it around the earthquake in Turkey, to wit: "Hey, have you been following the news about that earthquake in Turkey? I hear they've flown in cadaver dogs from the United States to help with the recovery." The earthquake in Turkey is still current news, and "cadaver dog" is enough to get your spouse's attention without alerting others, to wit, whispering in your spouse's or significant other's ear: "If you don't bring your sorry ass on, they're going to need a cadaver dog to find you when I'm done."
5) If you have to ride with someone else for whatever reason and can't have a code word or phrase, bring your favorite alcohol. If you're going to be a holiday hostage, might as well be a drunk one. Instead of feeling bored or ashamed by the event, BECOME the event. Get drunk off your ass, do a strip tease, and make sure you'll never be invited again. Problem solved.
Unless, of course, it's your office party, in which case you might find a pink slip waiting for you when you get back to work.
Happy Holidays!
The Death of Honor
Honor is dead, y'all, plain and simple. Conrad Murray put it on life support, it flatlined with JoePa, and it died quietly with the passing of Heavy D.
Conrad Murray put honor on life support when he had the temerity to not only insist on a trial on his involuntary manslaughter charge in the homocide of Michael Jackson, but then attempted to blame Jackson for his own death. The question whether Murray had any honor was answered in the negative when his mistresses took the stand, when the argument was made that Jackson administered the fatal dose of propofol himself. Regardless of how Jackson got his last dose of propofol, he could not have had access to it but for Dr. Murray. To blame a dead man for his own death that could not have happened but for your own actions? Absolutely no honor. It would have taken me all of nine minutes, not nine hours, to vote to convict Murray, and that's including six minutes for going to the bathroom. If Murray had had any honor, he would have pled guilty.
An honorable man takes responsibility for his actions, no matter how horrific they may have been.
Then came allegations that Penn State football legend Joe Paterno knew that one of his former assistant coaches was alleged to have sodomized a child, that one of the assistant coaches, a graduate student, witnessed the act. Sure, JoePa reported it up the chain of command within the university, but honor demanded more -- that he go to the police because a child's safety was involved. Children can't defend themselves from predatory adults. If JoePa could play a paternal, protective role with his players, who are clearly capable of protecting themselves, why couldn't he have picked up the phone and called the police to protect a child who couldn't protect himself?
An honorable man stands up for those who can't stand up for themselves, especially children.
And just when honor was flatlining in State College, PA, we heard of the passing of Dwight "Heavy D" Myers of "Heavy D and The Boyz" fame. It's no secret that yours truly hasn't been an ardent fan of hip-hop, but I loved Heavy D. Why? Because his rhymes didn't demean women. You could listen to his music, and he was all about loving women and women loving him, and loving him as he was -- The Overweight Lover. I never felt that I had to put my feminism on the shelf to enjoy a Heavy D song. I never felt excluded from his music because of misogyny or profanity. I didn't have to be less than myself to enjoy a Heavy D song. In fact, in one of his songs, "Is It Good To You?", Heavy D raised the bar as far as what we women should expect from men in the romance department.
An honorable man honors and respects women.
And so it appears that honor has died. May it rest in peace.
Conrad Murray put honor on life support when he had the temerity to not only insist on a trial on his involuntary manslaughter charge in the homocide of Michael Jackson, but then attempted to blame Jackson for his own death. The question whether Murray had any honor was answered in the negative when his mistresses took the stand, when the argument was made that Jackson administered the fatal dose of propofol himself. Regardless of how Jackson got his last dose of propofol, he could not have had access to it but for Dr. Murray. To blame a dead man for his own death that could not have happened but for your own actions? Absolutely no honor. It would have taken me all of nine minutes, not nine hours, to vote to convict Murray, and that's including six minutes for going to the bathroom. If Murray had had any honor, he would have pled guilty.
An honorable man takes responsibility for his actions, no matter how horrific they may have been.
Then came allegations that Penn State football legend Joe Paterno knew that one of his former assistant coaches was alleged to have sodomized a child, that one of the assistant coaches, a graduate student, witnessed the act. Sure, JoePa reported it up the chain of command within the university, but honor demanded more -- that he go to the police because a child's safety was involved. Children can't defend themselves from predatory adults. If JoePa could play a paternal, protective role with his players, who are clearly capable of protecting themselves, why couldn't he have picked up the phone and called the police to protect a child who couldn't protect himself?
An honorable man stands up for those who can't stand up for themselves, especially children.
And just when honor was flatlining in State College, PA, we heard of the passing of Dwight "Heavy D" Myers of "Heavy D and The Boyz" fame. It's no secret that yours truly hasn't been an ardent fan of hip-hop, but I loved Heavy D. Why? Because his rhymes didn't demean women. You could listen to his music, and he was all about loving women and women loving him, and loving him as he was -- The Overweight Lover. I never felt that I had to put my feminism on the shelf to enjoy a Heavy D song. I never felt excluded from his music because of misogyny or profanity. I didn't have to be less than myself to enjoy a Heavy D song. In fact, in one of his songs, "Is It Good To You?", Heavy D raised the bar as far as what we women should expect from men in the romance department.
An honorable man honors and respects women.
And so it appears that honor has died. May it rest in peace.
The Power of "No"
My husband, Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB), and I opened a joint checking and savings account at a local credit union. Towards the end of the transaction, the credit union rep tells us he needs our signature on something. He slides across the desk a proxy agreement that would allow the credit union to vote our shares for three years. BMNB and I read the agreement at the same time, and, without looking up or looking at each other, we say in unison, "No."
"Are you going to commit to attending shareholder meetings, then?", the credit union rep inquires, semi-indignantly.
Again, we say in unison, "No." And we explain, "We don't have to."
I then explain, "I don't give a proxy to Warren Buffett to vote my shares of Berkshire-Hathaway, just in case Uncle Warren gets a wild hair and decides to lose his mind. I'm surely not going to give my proxy to you. " One tiny thing I forgot, though: I don't have voting shares in Berkshire-Hathaway. I own Berkshire-Hathaway B, not Berkshire-Hathaway A.
That said, the point remains the same. "No" is a powerful word, and we need to use it more often because it expresses so much.
I was amazed at how calmly the credit union rep slid that agreement across the desk and attempted to pass it off as something we had to sign as a condition of opening our account. I won't say that BMNB and I are the most business-savvy folks on the planet, but we knew enough to know that a proxy agreement is not mandatory. "No" for us expressed to the credit union rep that we were more knowledgeable about our options than was he and we refused to accept the only one provided to us.
It got me to thinking of more instances when the power of "no" expressed more than refusal. An elder relative of mine was approached by her sister to sign a quit-claim deed relinquishing her interest in two pieces of property arguably held in the name of her and all her siblings for a mere $10. All the other siblings had signed. After much consternation, she said "no." Then the madness ensued. Tears, disappointment, manipulation, and one high-powered attorney's efforts to get her to sign rained down around her, and despite it all, she stood her ground and remained resolute: No.
For her, "no," wasn't just an expression of a refusal to sign. It was an expression of hurt, hurt that a sibling would try to wrest from her property that their mother intended she have. "No" was a way to put the brakes on a questionable transaction, to "lawyer up" like her sister did, to come to a previously non-existent negotiating table with information, options, and to possibly obtain a different result. "No" is a powerful word, y'all.
Think of it: Netflix customers said "no" to splitting streaming and DVD rental services, resulting higher fees, and Qwikster. Now Netflix is rethinking its course of action and Qwikster is no more.
Bank of America customers said "no" to a $5 fee to use their debit cards to spend their own damn money. Bank of America is walking back its decision, saying the corporate analog of, "My bad."
Occupy Wall Street protesters said "no" to Wall Street corruption and greed and Washington's complicity with it all. This expression of "no" speaks not only as a refusal to continue to go along, but a consciousness-raising movement, giving a name to the rest of us who continue to be screwed by capitalism run amok: The 99%.
Even a rooster expressed his "no" and his disapproval of BMNB being on his property this weekend, attacking BMNB as he attempted to help me to pick up something on the rooster's property. With BMNB being the only other male on the property and arguably a threat to the rooster's good thing -- unlimited food and sex with the hens -- the rooster thumped BMNB on the back of the leg with a wing and crowed his "no."
"No" gives us the power to do alot, including:
* Refuse to accept the status quo
* Refuse to accept what's being offered
* Express anger
* Express outrage
* Express hurt
* Allow time to consider different options
* Express superior knowledge of available options and exercise those options
* Express suspicion or discomfort based on instinct and act on that instinct
"No" is indeed a powerful word that we need to use more often.
In this recession, many of us have had to sit on our "noes" in the workplace for lack of options, for fear of losing the jobs we have. What employers don't realize is that recessions don't last forever, and many employees are going to express their "noes" by retiring, finding better jobs, or just developing other streams of income and walking away.
"No" is a powerful thing. Use it.
"Are you going to commit to attending shareholder meetings, then?", the credit union rep inquires, semi-indignantly.
Again, we say in unison, "No." And we explain, "We don't have to."
I then explain, "I don't give a proxy to Warren Buffett to vote my shares of Berkshire-Hathaway, just in case Uncle Warren gets a wild hair and decides to lose his mind. I'm surely not going to give my proxy to you. " One tiny thing I forgot, though: I don't have voting shares in Berkshire-Hathaway. I own Berkshire-Hathaway B, not Berkshire-Hathaway A.
That said, the point remains the same. "No" is a powerful word, and we need to use it more often because it expresses so much.
I was amazed at how calmly the credit union rep slid that agreement across the desk and attempted to pass it off as something we had to sign as a condition of opening our account. I won't say that BMNB and I are the most business-savvy folks on the planet, but we knew enough to know that a proxy agreement is not mandatory. "No" for us expressed to the credit union rep that we were more knowledgeable about our options than was he and we refused to accept the only one provided to us.
It got me to thinking of more instances when the power of "no" expressed more than refusal. An elder relative of mine was approached by her sister to sign a quit-claim deed relinquishing her interest in two pieces of property arguably held in the name of her and all her siblings for a mere $10. All the other siblings had signed. After much consternation, she said "no." Then the madness ensued. Tears, disappointment, manipulation, and one high-powered attorney's efforts to get her to sign rained down around her, and despite it all, she stood her ground and remained resolute: No.
For her, "no," wasn't just an expression of a refusal to sign. It was an expression of hurt, hurt that a sibling would try to wrest from her property that their mother intended she have. "No" was a way to put the brakes on a questionable transaction, to "lawyer up" like her sister did, to come to a previously non-existent negotiating table with information, options, and to possibly obtain a different result. "No" is a powerful word, y'all.
Think of it: Netflix customers said "no" to splitting streaming and DVD rental services, resulting higher fees, and Qwikster. Now Netflix is rethinking its course of action and Qwikster is no more.
Bank of America customers said "no" to a $5 fee to use their debit cards to spend their own damn money. Bank of America is walking back its decision, saying the corporate analog of, "My bad."
Occupy Wall Street protesters said "no" to Wall Street corruption and greed and Washington's complicity with it all. This expression of "no" speaks not only as a refusal to continue to go along, but a consciousness-raising movement, giving a name to the rest of us who continue to be screwed by capitalism run amok: The 99%.
Even a rooster expressed his "no" and his disapproval of BMNB being on his property this weekend, attacking BMNB as he attempted to help me to pick up something on the rooster's property. With BMNB being the only other male on the property and arguably a threat to the rooster's good thing -- unlimited food and sex with the hens -- the rooster thumped BMNB on the back of the leg with a wing and crowed his "no."
"No" gives us the power to do alot, including:
* Refuse to accept the status quo
* Refuse to accept what's being offered
* Express anger
* Express outrage
* Express hurt
* Allow time to consider different options
* Express superior knowledge of available options and exercise those options
* Express suspicion or discomfort based on instinct and act on that instinct
"No" is indeed a powerful word that we need to use more often.
In this recession, many of us have had to sit on our "noes" in the workplace for lack of options, for fear of losing the jobs we have. What employers don't realize is that recessions don't last forever, and many employees are going to express their "noes" by retiring, finding better jobs, or just developing other streams of income and walking away.
"No" is a powerful thing. Use it.
Is Marriage For White People? Negro, Please.
Ralph Richards Banks' book, "Is Marriage for White People?: How The African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone," challenges black women to stop marrying down -- settling for black men who aren't as educated or accomplished as we are -- if we marry at all, and instead start marrying out -- that is, outside the race. Banks says that black women are the least likely of women of any ethnic group to marry outside of our race. He posits that, although we've stood by black men despite the fact that the number and quality of black men available to us is nowhere near equal, the best thing we can do for ourselves and for our race is to marry outside of it.
Negro, please.
First, some disclaimers. I'm not opposed to interracial marriage. There are many, many interracial marriages within my family, and I've always believed that sometimes love chooses you, not the other way around. All my family are all my family, regardless of race.
Second, I'm an educated black woman happily married to an educated black man, both of us Stanford alums, as is Professor Banks. My husband, Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB), tells me that at our last college reunion, somebody said that upwards of 70% of Stanford alums marry other Stanford alums. When we attended Stanford, I don't recall the number of black women outnumbering black men so much that black women felt they couldn't find a black man. Most of the black women I know who dated at Stanford dated black men, but that was during the '80s. In fact, interracial dating was so derided in the Stanford black community at the time that we had a term for it: Skiing.
Third, although I'm happily married to a black man, I married later in life -- five days before my 40th birthday -- so I've spent more of my life single than married. While I was single, I went on a date with someone outside of my race only once. It took only one date for me to decide this:
Interracial dating was not for me.
Mind you, it's not that I'm not physically attracted to men outside my race, at least younger ones. Were I single, I wouldn't kick Brad Pitt or George Clooney out of bed, so to speak, although when it comes to maintaining looks in old age, my money's on Denzel. Sorry, but black don't crack, and I like that.
The reason why interracial dating wasn't for me was because, in my brief and limited interracial dating experience, I discovered that what I prized, what I longed for in a marriage, was a cultural connection and a bond that comes from having grown up and lived black in America.
As I sat in some hoity-toidy bar in Palo Alto with my white date, an investment banker or stock broker, I don't recall which, his conversation was more about status -- and whether I, as a Stanford/Harvard/Princeton alum measured up to his -- than shared life experiences. It forced me to ask myself, "Was a shared cultural connection so important to me that I'd be willing to forgo marriage if I couldn't find that in a mate?"
The answer for me was an emphatic "Yes." So much so that, in 2000, I decided that I wasn't going to marry at all. I was going to move forward with my life by buying a house and adopting a child. I had been so disappointed by the black men I'd dated, BMNB included (we'd dated for seven years prior during the '80's and briefly again in the '90s), that I'd thrown up my hands and given up on the idea of marriage, period. If I couldn't have what I wanted -- a marriage to a black man -- I wasn't going to settle for what I could have. It was a year later that BMNB and I reconnected, hashed out our differences, and decided to move forward as a couple. I had even told him, though, that I had given up on marriage and I was done with men because I hadn't found a suitable black man. He basically talked me out of my position and later proposed for the second time in a decade. I'm glad he did.
What Professor Banks may not realize is that perhaps black women prize that cultural connection in a mate as much as I did, so much so that they're not willing to settle for anything different, even if it means not getting married. According to Banks, only 9% of black women marry outside of our race, while Asian and Latina women marry interracially at rates closer to 50%. Maybe black women value a shared culture more than Asian and Latina women. Maybe we don't want to get married that badly. I don't know.
What I do know is that when I describe something racist that happened to me during my day, I don't have to "prove" to BMNB that what happened was racist or that I'm not paranoid. When I use phrases and terms unique to black culture like, "If you don't know, you better ask somebody," or "I don't have to do anything but die and stay black," or "Aw, sookie, sookie," BMNB gets it without explanation. When I talk about the double standard of race -- that the rules for black people in a white America are different -- BMNB doesn't even question me about the truth of what I'm saying because he's lived it, too. I don't know if I could live the rest of my life with someone who wasn't similarly burdened, especially if he experienced white privilege and didn't realize or acknowledge it.
I also thought it would be unfair of me to marry someone outside of my race if I considered myself to be "settling." What person deserves to be a second choice? If culture is so important to me that marrying any man who doesn't share my culture would be a second-level choice to me, how would it make that man feel? What kind of marriage would it be if I married someone I would always consider to be lacking in something so important to me?
At the end of the day, black women need to be true to themselves and what they value, whether it's shared culture or whatever they value most in a mate, and choose accordingly, whether that leads to interracial marriage, intraracial marriage, or staying single. If they are open to marrying outside of the race, great, but I don't think they owe the black race anything by marrying outside the race for the purpose of preserving the race or black culture. As BMNB says, "Black women ARE black culture. The culture resides in them." Telling us that we need to marry outside of our race in order to preserve the race is a lot to ask of us if we're not inclined to do so. We owe it to ourselves to be happy, period.
And for me, that happiness was in marrying a man who understood the phrase, "Negro, please."
Negro, please.
First, some disclaimers. I'm not opposed to interracial marriage. There are many, many interracial marriages within my family, and I've always believed that sometimes love chooses you, not the other way around. All my family are all my family, regardless of race.
Second, I'm an educated black woman happily married to an educated black man, both of us Stanford alums, as is Professor Banks. My husband, Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB), tells me that at our last college reunion, somebody said that upwards of 70% of Stanford alums marry other Stanford alums. When we attended Stanford, I don't recall the number of black women outnumbering black men so much that black women felt they couldn't find a black man. Most of the black women I know who dated at Stanford dated black men, but that was during the '80s. In fact, interracial dating was so derided in the Stanford black community at the time that we had a term for it: Skiing.
Third, although I'm happily married to a black man, I married later in life -- five days before my 40th birthday -- so I've spent more of my life single than married. While I was single, I went on a date with someone outside of my race only once. It took only one date for me to decide this:
Interracial dating was not for me.
Mind you, it's not that I'm not physically attracted to men outside my race, at least younger ones. Were I single, I wouldn't kick Brad Pitt or George Clooney out of bed, so to speak, although when it comes to maintaining looks in old age, my money's on Denzel. Sorry, but black don't crack, and I like that.
The reason why interracial dating wasn't for me was because, in my brief and limited interracial dating experience, I discovered that what I prized, what I longed for in a marriage, was a cultural connection and a bond that comes from having grown up and lived black in America.
As I sat in some hoity-toidy bar in Palo Alto with my white date, an investment banker or stock broker, I don't recall which, his conversation was more about status -- and whether I, as a Stanford/Harvard/Princeton alum measured up to his -- than shared life experiences. It forced me to ask myself, "Was a shared cultural connection so important to me that I'd be willing to forgo marriage if I couldn't find that in a mate?"
The answer for me was an emphatic "Yes." So much so that, in 2000, I decided that I wasn't going to marry at all. I was going to move forward with my life by buying a house and adopting a child. I had been so disappointed by the black men I'd dated, BMNB included (we'd dated for seven years prior during the '80's and briefly again in the '90s), that I'd thrown up my hands and given up on the idea of marriage, period. If I couldn't have what I wanted -- a marriage to a black man -- I wasn't going to settle for what I could have. It was a year later that BMNB and I reconnected, hashed out our differences, and decided to move forward as a couple. I had even told him, though, that I had given up on marriage and I was done with men because I hadn't found a suitable black man. He basically talked me out of my position and later proposed for the second time in a decade. I'm glad he did.
What Professor Banks may not realize is that perhaps black women prize that cultural connection in a mate as much as I did, so much so that they're not willing to settle for anything different, even if it means not getting married. According to Banks, only 9% of black women marry outside of our race, while Asian and Latina women marry interracially at rates closer to 50%. Maybe black women value a shared culture more than Asian and Latina women. Maybe we don't want to get married that badly. I don't know.
What I do know is that when I describe something racist that happened to me during my day, I don't have to "prove" to BMNB that what happened was racist or that I'm not paranoid. When I use phrases and terms unique to black culture like, "If you don't know, you better ask somebody," or "I don't have to do anything but die and stay black," or "Aw, sookie, sookie," BMNB gets it without explanation. When I talk about the double standard of race -- that the rules for black people in a white America are different -- BMNB doesn't even question me about the truth of what I'm saying because he's lived it, too. I don't know if I could live the rest of my life with someone who wasn't similarly burdened, especially if he experienced white privilege and didn't realize or acknowledge it.
I also thought it would be unfair of me to marry someone outside of my race if I considered myself to be "settling." What person deserves to be a second choice? If culture is so important to me that marrying any man who doesn't share my culture would be a second-level choice to me, how would it make that man feel? What kind of marriage would it be if I married someone I would always consider to be lacking in something so important to me?
At the end of the day, black women need to be true to themselves and what they value, whether it's shared culture or whatever they value most in a mate, and choose accordingly, whether that leads to interracial marriage, intraracial marriage, or staying single. If they are open to marrying outside of the race, great, but I don't think they owe the black race anything by marrying outside the race for the purpose of preserving the race or black culture. As BMNB says, "Black women ARE black culture. The culture resides in them." Telling us that we need to marry outside of our race in order to preserve the race is a lot to ask of us if we're not inclined to do so. We owe it to ourselves to be happy, period.
And for me, that happiness was in marrying a man who understood the phrase, "Negro, please."
A Seat at the Table of My Family's Revolution
"If you aren't doing your life mission, you need to get in the face of God and figure out what it is."
~ My friend Sharon from Denver
A while back, I wrote a blog entry about starting a family revolution to make sure that the bad things that have happened to my family as a result of this recession -- foreclosures, unemployment, wage cuts, etc. -- won't happen again. This revolution is part of what I've come to know is my mission: To share what I know and uplift my family.
I didn't get a chance to report back on how the first meeting for my family's revolution, a series of talks titled "Something to Think About," went on October 8 (see blog entry about the revolution here). What I'd like to do is give all of you readers a seat at the table, so to speak. Whatever topics Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB) and I cover with our family in this series of talks, I'm going to cover with you.
At our first meeting, only one couple, my niece and nephew-in-law, attended. I'm not dismayed. More younger family members have committed to come to our next meeting in December, but in any event, BMNB and I will have discharged our duty to share, or at least attempt to share, what we know. We discussed writing a family mission statement and the ground rules for the family sou-sou we're going to form at the next meeting. Below is the agenda from the meeting. It lays out what we're going to be talking about. Maybe you and your family will want to follow along.
I do want to touch briefly on having a family mission statement. Whether you're single or part of a family, you should have a mission statement. Why? Because it helps you focus on what you're on this earth for, helps your prioritize how you spend your time, and makes it much more easier to say "no" to things that don't serve your mission. For example, I have been urged by a few folks to run for a seat on the board of my HOA or to run for city council. For most of my life, I've been one to chase a challenge without really weighing what I'd get out of the challenge other than a sense of accomplishment. I had an unsettled feeling in my soul that I didn't want to pursue these challenges. After I referred back to my own personal mission statement that I wrote long ago, it hit me: These challenges are not part of my mission. They're not what I'm put on this earth to do, even if I know I could do them well. Once I realized this, I felt grounded in my refusal.
BMNB and I have drafted a family mission statement. It's still in the works, but here it is:
The Black Man Not Blogging Family's Mission Is To:
BWB
~ My friend Sharon from Denver
A while back, I wrote a blog entry about starting a family revolution to make sure that the bad things that have happened to my family as a result of this recession -- foreclosures, unemployment, wage cuts, etc. -- won't happen again. This revolution is part of what I've come to know is my mission: To share what I know and uplift my family.
I didn't get a chance to report back on how the first meeting for my family's revolution, a series of talks titled "Something to Think About," went on October 8 (see blog entry about the revolution here). What I'd like to do is give all of you readers a seat at the table, so to speak. Whatever topics Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB) and I cover with our family in this series of talks, I'm going to cover with you.
At our first meeting, only one couple, my niece and nephew-in-law, attended. I'm not dismayed. More younger family members have committed to come to our next meeting in December, but in any event, BMNB and I will have discharged our duty to share, or at least attempt to share, what we know. We discussed writing a family mission statement and the ground rules for the family sou-sou we're going to form at the next meeting. Below is the agenda from the meeting. It lays out what we're going to be talking about. Maybe you and your family will want to follow along.
I do want to touch briefly on having a family mission statement. Whether you're single or part of a family, you should have a mission statement. Why? Because it helps you focus on what you're on this earth for, helps your prioritize how you spend your time, and makes it much more easier to say "no" to things that don't serve your mission. For example, I have been urged by a few folks to run for a seat on the board of my HOA or to run for city council. For most of my life, I've been one to chase a challenge without really weighing what I'd get out of the challenge other than a sense of accomplishment. I had an unsettled feeling in my soul that I didn't want to pursue these challenges. After I referred back to my own personal mission statement that I wrote long ago, it hit me: These challenges are not part of my mission. They're not what I'm put on this earth to do, even if I know I could do them well. Once I realized this, I felt grounded in my refusal.
BMNB and I have drafted a family mission statement. It's still in the works, but here it is:
The Black Man Not Blogging Family's Mission Is To:
- Serve God and put Him first
- Love, encourage and uplift our family and friends
- Use all our gifts for God's purpose for us
- Share our knowledge
- Uplift and serve our race and community (I define "community" very narrowly)
- Love, respect, and take care of each other and our children (no, we don't have kids yet. We're working on it.)
- Raise our children to be good, educated, God-loving people who can stand on their own when we're dead
- Enjoy our lives
- Maintain good health
Again, it's a work in progress, but it definitely helps in shaping how we spend our time. We're using Steven Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families" to help us shape our family mission statement, and we highly recommend it.
We also talked about the benefit of holding regular family meetings. BMNB and I have family meetings to discuss our goals and accomplishments in five areas: our household, our health, our individual and marital goals, our family goals, and our community goals. It is through our family meetings that we started working on our family mission statement. We congratulate each other on accomplishing our goals (BMNB finally got some real glasses -- YAY!) and encourage each other to accomplish what remains to be done. Our family mission statement may reshape how we hold our family meetings, but the meetings are crucial. They force us to stop, get off the hamster wheel of life, and reflect on what we really are here to do and what we really want to do. A life without some introspection is an aimless life, IMHO.
As for the sou-sou, we decided to start small: $25 per family per month. Any family that fails to pay on time forfeits what they've contributed. We'll see how it goes.
Here's to my family's revolution, and perhaps your family's, too.BWB
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
A Series of Family Talks
AGENDA
October 8, 2011
I. Prayer and Call to Order
II. Purpose of "Something to Think About"
- Knowledge: Share what we know (mistakes and all); learn what we don't
- Encouragement: Helping each other reach our goals
- Action: Holding each other accountable for taking positive steps toward our goals
III. Five Goals for The Family:
- Financial Literacy
- Home Ownership
- Having a Career
- Educating Our Kids to Prepare Them for College or A Vocation
- Multiple Streams of Income
IV. Topics to Be Covered
Financial Literacy
- Credit
- Budgeting
- Investing
- Retirement Planning
- Insurance
Career
- Finding the Career You Want
- Getting the Career You Want
- Keeping the Career You Want
Education
- Taking Stewardship of Your Child's Education
- Education Financial Planning
Home Ownership
- Mortgages
- Finding Your Home
- Home Buying Process
- Home Maintenance
Multiple Streams of Income
- Starting a Business
- Capital and Small Business Finance
- Business Plan Writing
- Marketing
V. Today's Topics:
- Writing a Family Mission Statement (Resources: Steven Covey, "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, pg. 77-95 on writing a family mission statement)
- Starting a Family Sou-Sou (Resource -- My blog entry, "Got Sou-Sou?")
Bloggin' At Ya From An Undisclosed Location On A Blessed Mission
Gentle Readers,
Yours truly has taken some time away, and I'm blogging from an undisclosed location on a blessed mission. My friend, whom I'll just call Sharon from Denver, is writing a book that I would consider a blessed mission. I'm finalizing "Dangerous Thoughts of An Uppity Negress," so we're helping each other.
You see, Sharon's book is about making Christianity accessible to real people and, more importantly, and I quote, "separating your relationship with Christ from the confines of conventional church culture." She's using her life as an example, telling stories about separating her walk with Christ from church culture and learning not to confuse the two. I'm blogging about it to prompt her to continue writing and to whet your appetite for the book once it's done.
If you'd like to encourage her, her email address is RealChristian4Christ@yahoo.com. Here's to all the Christians who struggle every day to walk with, but never walk away from, Christ. Sharon wants to help you walk toward Him, not away from Him, by helping you discern what is truly of Him and what is simply "church culture."
In the parlance of our young folks today, "Wait for it . . . . "
Yours truly has taken some time away, and I'm blogging from an undisclosed location on a blessed mission. My friend, whom I'll just call Sharon from Denver, is writing a book that I would consider a blessed mission. I'm finalizing "Dangerous Thoughts of An Uppity Negress," so we're helping each other.
You see, Sharon's book is about making Christianity accessible to real people and, more importantly, and I quote, "separating your relationship with Christ from the confines of conventional church culture." She's using her life as an example, telling stories about separating her walk with Christ from church culture and learning not to confuse the two. I'm blogging about it to prompt her to continue writing and to whet your appetite for the book once it's done.
If you'd like to encourage her, her email address is RealChristian4Christ@yahoo.com. Here's to all the Christians who struggle every day to walk with, but never walk away from, Christ. Sharon wants to help you walk toward Him, not away from Him, by helping you discern what is truly of Him and what is simply "church culture."
In the parlance of our young folks today, "Wait for it . . . . "
Today My Heart Hurts, And I Just Don't Have The Words
Yours truly is at a loss for words. Too many deaths of too many greats in too little time.
First we lost Rev. Fred Shuttlesworth, civil rights leader and the plaintiff in the U.S. Supreme court case Shuttlesworth v. Birmingham, in which he challenged the city of Birmingham's absolute refusal to issue a parade permit for black protests. That he had the courage to fight "Bombingham" all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court in 1963 speaks volumes.
Then we lost Steve Jobs. His admonition to live your own life and follow your intuition resonates with me because I know I'm on the wrong path.
The third and hardest blow for me is the loss of my former professor Derrick Bell. He literally took me by the hand as a cynical and unhappy law student and walked me around the offices of his faculty colleagues to convince me that I needed to apply for a federal judicial clerkship because it would be invaluable to my career. Of all the professors we spoke to on that sojourn down that dark and moldy-smelling faculty hallway, Professor Elizabeth Warren took time out of her day to convince me that Professor Bell was right, probably because of her respect for Professor Bell. But Professor Bell was so much more than a career advisor that to all of us black law students at Harvard, especially those like me who were first generation college grads and clueless. That he stood up for black women law professors by protesting the utter failure of Harvard Law School to hire and tenure a black woman law professor, to the point of leaving his post at Harvard Law, was a testament to how much he was willing to sacrifice for the generations coming behind him, generations that included me.
I remember when he came to Marcus Books in Oakland for a book signing for "Faces at the Bottom of the Well: The Permanence of Racism." I was three years or so out of Harvard Law, and although I was never one of his star students, he was happy to see me and insisted that I call him "Derrick." "No, Professor Bell," I replied, "You will always be Professor Bell to me." In my mind and in my heart, he would always be the master, the teacher, and I would ever be the student, his student. I respected him and all he had done too much to even dare to place myself on the same plane as him.
What makes this worse is that I was just telling my husband, Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB), that I needed to catch up with Professor Bell and just thank him for all he did for me, for all of us black law students. To tell him that although I really haven't found happiness in the law, that I was still searching, but elsewhere.
Now it's too late.
My heart hurts and I just don't have the words today.
First we lost Rev. Fred Shuttlesworth, civil rights leader and the plaintiff in the U.S. Supreme court case Shuttlesworth v. Birmingham, in which he challenged the city of Birmingham's absolute refusal to issue a parade permit for black protests. That he had the courage to fight "Bombingham" all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court in 1963 speaks volumes.
Then we lost Steve Jobs. His admonition to live your own life and follow your intuition resonates with me because I know I'm on the wrong path.
The third and hardest blow for me is the loss of my former professor Derrick Bell. He literally took me by the hand as a cynical and unhappy law student and walked me around the offices of his faculty colleagues to convince me that I needed to apply for a federal judicial clerkship because it would be invaluable to my career. Of all the professors we spoke to on that sojourn down that dark and moldy-smelling faculty hallway, Professor Elizabeth Warren took time out of her day to convince me that Professor Bell was right, probably because of her respect for Professor Bell. But Professor Bell was so much more than a career advisor that to all of us black law students at Harvard, especially those like me who were first generation college grads and clueless. That he stood up for black women law professors by protesting the utter failure of Harvard Law School to hire and tenure a black woman law professor, to the point of leaving his post at Harvard Law, was a testament to how much he was willing to sacrifice for the generations coming behind him, generations that included me.
I remember when he came to Marcus Books in Oakland for a book signing for "Faces at the Bottom of the Well: The Permanence of Racism." I was three years or so out of Harvard Law, and although I was never one of his star students, he was happy to see me and insisted that I call him "Derrick." "No, Professor Bell," I replied, "You will always be Professor Bell to me." In my mind and in my heart, he would always be the master, the teacher, and I would ever be the student, his student. I respected him and all he had done too much to even dare to place myself on the same plane as him.
What makes this worse is that I was just telling my husband, Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB), that I needed to catch up with Professor Bell and just thank him for all he did for me, for all of us black law students. To tell him that although I really haven't found happiness in the law, that I was still searching, but elsewhere.
Now it's too late.
My heart hurts and I just don't have the words today.
Smarter Than Wall Street: My Family's Revolution
"What we need is awareness, we can't get careless."
~ "Fight the Power," Public Enemy
There's so much that yours truly could write about -- the sit-ins on Wall Street (About time! When is Public Enemy going to show up and bust out with "Fight the Power"?), the racist bake sale held by the U.C. Berkeley College Republicans that no one in the Republican party has seen fit to disown, the execution of Troy Davis, the passing of Nobel Laureate Wangari Maathai, and the brother from Stanford Law School who is suggesting that single black professional women just give up the ghost and go get a white guy, or any guy for that matter, other than a black man.
The Wall Street sit-ins call to me because they dovetail with something my family is embarking on: Our own revolution. Starting next Saturday.
As I wrote in my previous post, the ill effects of this recession have touched my family like they have most families in America: unemployment, underemployment, wage cuts, foreclosures, underwater mortgages, you name it. What my husband, Black Man Not Blogging, and I realized is that if we as a family don't get smarter and share what we know, we're always going to be at the mercy of Wall Street -- unscrupulous corporations, greedy banks, and the politicians who enable them. Who knew that the person with the biggest cojones to take on Wall Street would be someone who doesn't even have cojones -- Elizabeth Warren?
But try as Elizabeth Warren might, Wall Street ain't gonna change for the better, so we have to. We as a family have to be smarter about money, investing, finances, and preparing our children for educations and careers so that we aren't ignorant to what Wall Street would have for us. If we as a family and as a nation had been smarter than Wall Street, we would not be in this mess.
So my husband, Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB), and I decided that we would hold a series of family meetings in which we as a family share what we know and increase awareness so that the next generation will indeed be smarter than Wall Street. The goals or hopes I have for myself and my family -- and by "my family" I mean the generations behind me -- are 1) Financial literacy; 2) Having a career, not just a job; 3) Preparing the children for either college or a vocation by age 18; 4) Home ownership; and 5) Multiple streams of income. I believe that if your finances and your career are in order, you have the peace to enjoy your family and other pursuits. When your money's funny, your landlord is in default on the home you're renting, and your job is, well, a job, those problems produce stress that affects your ability to enjoy the other parts of your life, IMHO.
So we decided to call our little series of meetings "Something to Think About," and they will be centered around those five goals/hopes. We'll be talking about credit, budgeting, investing, entrepreneurship, education stewardship, finding the career you want, and a whole host of things. The idea is not for BMNB and I to talk at our family, but for our family to come together and share what we know, especially our mistakes, and raise questions about what we don't and find the answers together. Much of what we will talk about are the basics that seemed to have gone out the window or were never discussed from generation to generation, like not buying more house than you can afford (and don't let the lender or the realtor tell you what you can afford), or that retirement is a three-legged stool that rests on pensions/401(k)'s, Social Security, and investments, and not on any one source of income. We're also going to talk about starting a sou-sou, since that topic remains the most highly viewed blog post on this blog. Who knew?
Most importantly, we're simply going to talk and become aware. I would expect, as with most revolutions, that not everyone in the family will be down with what we're doing. I expect that on some Saturdays it will be just me and BMNB. That's okay, though. BMNB and I will be able to go to our graves knowing that we tried to plant the seed in their minds, that we discharged our duty. I for one do not want to go to my grave having created generations of renters who increase the wealth of those who already have.
Like Public Enemy said, what we need is awareness; we can't get careless. Again.
Fight the power, y'all. And while you're at it, support Elizabeth Warren for U.S. Senate. She's the only one looking out for the rest of us.
~ "Fight the Power," Public Enemy
There's so much that yours truly could write about -- the sit-ins on Wall Street (About time! When is Public Enemy going to show up and bust out with "Fight the Power"?), the racist bake sale held by the U.C. Berkeley College Republicans that no one in the Republican party has seen fit to disown, the execution of Troy Davis, the passing of Nobel Laureate Wangari Maathai, and the brother from Stanford Law School who is suggesting that single black professional women just give up the ghost and go get a white guy, or any guy for that matter, other than a black man.
The Wall Street sit-ins call to me because they dovetail with something my family is embarking on: Our own revolution. Starting next Saturday.
As I wrote in my previous post, the ill effects of this recession have touched my family like they have most families in America: unemployment, underemployment, wage cuts, foreclosures, underwater mortgages, you name it. What my husband, Black Man Not Blogging, and I realized is that if we as a family don't get smarter and share what we know, we're always going to be at the mercy of Wall Street -- unscrupulous corporations, greedy banks, and the politicians who enable them. Who knew that the person with the biggest cojones to take on Wall Street would be someone who doesn't even have cojones -- Elizabeth Warren?
But try as Elizabeth Warren might, Wall Street ain't gonna change for the better, so we have to. We as a family have to be smarter about money, investing, finances, and preparing our children for educations and careers so that we aren't ignorant to what Wall Street would have for us. If we as a family and as a nation had been smarter than Wall Street, we would not be in this mess.
So my husband, Black Man Not Blogging (BMNB), and I decided that we would hold a series of family meetings in which we as a family share what we know and increase awareness so that the next generation will indeed be smarter than Wall Street. The goals or hopes I have for myself and my family -- and by "my family" I mean the generations behind me -- are 1) Financial literacy; 2) Having a career, not just a job; 3) Preparing the children for either college or a vocation by age 18; 4) Home ownership; and 5) Multiple streams of income. I believe that if your finances and your career are in order, you have the peace to enjoy your family and other pursuits. When your money's funny, your landlord is in default on the home you're renting, and your job is, well, a job, those problems produce stress that affects your ability to enjoy the other parts of your life, IMHO.
So we decided to call our little series of meetings "Something to Think About," and they will be centered around those five goals/hopes. We'll be talking about credit, budgeting, investing, entrepreneurship, education stewardship, finding the career you want, and a whole host of things. The idea is not for BMNB and I to talk at our family, but for our family to come together and share what we know, especially our mistakes, and raise questions about what we don't and find the answers together. Much of what we will talk about are the basics that seemed to have gone out the window or were never discussed from generation to generation, like not buying more house than you can afford (and don't let the lender or the realtor tell you what you can afford), or that retirement is a three-legged stool that rests on pensions/401(k)'s, Social Security, and investments, and not on any one source of income. We're also going to talk about starting a sou-sou, since that topic remains the most highly viewed blog post on this blog. Who knew?
Most importantly, we're simply going to talk and become aware. I would expect, as with most revolutions, that not everyone in the family will be down with what we're doing. I expect that on some Saturdays it will be just me and BMNB. That's okay, though. BMNB and I will be able to go to our graves knowing that we tried to plant the seed in their minds, that we discharged our duty. I for one do not want to go to my grave having created generations of renters who increase the wealth of those who already have.
Like Public Enemy said, what we need is awareness; we can't get careless. Again.
Fight the power, y'all. And while you're at it, support Elizabeth Warren for U.S. Senate. She's the only one looking out for the rest of us.
Mr. President, I Don't Appreciate Your Tone
Rep. Maxine Waters wasn't the only person who found the president's parting language in his address to the Congressional Black Caucus "curious." When I heard his summation, I looked at my husband with a "Oh, no he didn't" look on my face.
WTF?
For those of you who missed it, I'm going to include a link to the text of the president's speech at the end of the post. The speech in its entirety was a very positive speech. Suffice it to say, the language that caught my attention was this:
I expect all of you to march with me. Take off your bedroom slippers, put on your marching shoes. Shake it off. Stop complaining, stop grumbling, stop crying. We are going to press on. We've got work to do, CBC.
With all due respect, Mr. President, you're the one with the work to do.
The end of your speech implies that: 1) CBC members and black folks have been complaining, grumbling and crying; and 2) We're sitting around in our "bedroom slippers" instead of working on the challenges that face us. My family and I have faced the same recession-related challenges as the rest of America and black folks in particular -- unemployment, underemployment, wage cuts, foreclosures, lack of health insurance, you name it. But we haven't all been sitting around complaining, grumbling, and crying. We've picked ourselves up, and we've picked up those in our family who wanted to complain, grumble and cry and reminded them of who we are and what we're made of.
If any group of Americans would have the right to complain, grumble and cry, it would be African Americans. As you are well aware, we've suffered the highest unemployment rates and the greatest loss of personal wealth due to this recession. We've stood by and watched while you let Wall Street get away with its shenanigans. And all along, despite your detractors, we've defended you, telling naysayers that it took more than four years to get into this mess and it would take any president, black, white or otherwise, more than four years to get us out of it.
More curious, however, is your choice of this language for this particular audience. My husband, Black Man Not Blogging, said after hearing the end of your speech, "Yeah, it's okay to talk to us like that as long as he's telling the white folks the same thing."
Mr. President, are you telling white folks the same thing? Somehow I doubt it.
Finally, I would think that a Black president would be more sensitive to black stereotypes than to invoke language that suggests indolence and inertia on the part of Black people, especially Black leaders. I can't help but think that if you had been raised by an African American parent -- not African, but African American -- you would have chosen your words more wisely or not have allowed someone else to choose those words for you.
Mr. President, although your speech in its entirety was positive, I don't appreciate the tone of the last lines of your speech.
Here's the link to text of the speech.
WTF?
For those of you who missed it, I'm going to include a link to the text of the president's speech at the end of the post. The speech in its entirety was a very positive speech. Suffice it to say, the language that caught my attention was this:
I expect all of you to march with me. Take off your bedroom slippers, put on your marching shoes. Shake it off. Stop complaining, stop grumbling, stop crying. We are going to press on. We've got work to do, CBC.
With all due respect, Mr. President, you're the one with the work to do.
The end of your speech implies that: 1) CBC members and black folks have been complaining, grumbling and crying; and 2) We're sitting around in our "bedroom slippers" instead of working on the challenges that face us. My family and I have faced the same recession-related challenges as the rest of America and black folks in particular -- unemployment, underemployment, wage cuts, foreclosures, lack of health insurance, you name it. But we haven't all been sitting around complaining, grumbling, and crying. We've picked ourselves up, and we've picked up those in our family who wanted to complain, grumble and cry and reminded them of who we are and what we're made of.
If any group of Americans would have the right to complain, grumble and cry, it would be African Americans. As you are well aware, we've suffered the highest unemployment rates and the greatest loss of personal wealth due to this recession. We've stood by and watched while you let Wall Street get away with its shenanigans. And all along, despite your detractors, we've defended you, telling naysayers that it took more than four years to get into this mess and it would take any president, black, white or otherwise, more than four years to get us out of it.
More curious, however, is your choice of this language for this particular audience. My husband, Black Man Not Blogging, said after hearing the end of your speech, "Yeah, it's okay to talk to us like that as long as he's telling the white folks the same thing."
Mr. President, are you telling white folks the same thing? Somehow I doubt it.
Finally, I would think that a Black president would be more sensitive to black stereotypes than to invoke language that suggests indolence and inertia on the part of Black people, especially Black leaders. I can't help but think that if you had been raised by an African American parent -- not African, but African American -- you would have chosen your words more wisely or not have allowed someone else to choose those words for you.
Mr. President, although your speech in its entirety was positive, I don't appreciate the tone of the last lines of your speech.
Here's the link to text of the speech.
Georgia and Troy Davis on My Mind
Troy Anthony Davis, convicted of shooting an off-duty police officer, will be executed tomorrow in Georgia at 7 pm.
His case has become a cause highlighting the problems with the death penalty. Seven of nine key witnesses who testified to his detriment have recanted their stories, no DNA evidence linked him to the crime, and no weapon was found despite the fact that shell casings from the murder matched shell casings from an earlier shooting for which Davis was convicted. The U.S. Supreme Court halted the execution for the purposes of having a federal court judge hear the matter, and the judge did not believe the witnesses who recanted. There appears to be a maelstrom of doubt.
Today, the Georgia Pardons Board has denied Davis clemency, and Georgia's governor has no power to grant it. Efforts to get the Chatham District Attorney Larry Chisholm to stop the execution appear to be to no avail, as Chisholm states he has no power to withdraw a death warrant. It looks like Davis' execution will proceed.
I'm not in favor of the death penalty, but I'm not fond of cop killers, either. That said, I would rather let a guilty man live than execute an innocent one. It's not like we don't have time to figure this thing out or stop the gears if there is this much reasonable doubt. The problem is the standard of review for Davis' case is that he would have had to have shown with clear and convincing evidence that no jury would have convicted him had they had the new evidence before them. Why should we require clear and convincing evidence NOT to execute someone when we only require guilt beyond a reasonable doubt TO execute someone? Why don't we require clear and convincing evidence to execute someone in the first place?
I've signed the petition to stop Davis' execution, posted it on my Facebook page, sent emails. Even if Davis is executed, that doesn't mean that the issues of the procedural hurdles and the Georgia governor's inability to grant clemency should die with him. No matter what happens, perhaps the way forward is to get rid of the death penalty altogether or reform how we convict people and sentence them to death. Maybe the way to start is to boycott those states that have executed people whose convictions leave room for reasonable doubt. I hate to say it, but maybe folks of conscience need to stop spending money in Georgia until it reforms its criminal justice system.
I pray for a just resolution and mercy for Troy Davis. I pray for courage for those who have the power to stop this execution, if they exist.
His case has become a cause highlighting the problems with the death penalty. Seven of nine key witnesses who testified to his detriment have recanted their stories, no DNA evidence linked him to the crime, and no weapon was found despite the fact that shell casings from the murder matched shell casings from an earlier shooting for which Davis was convicted. The U.S. Supreme Court halted the execution for the purposes of having a federal court judge hear the matter, and the judge did not believe the witnesses who recanted. There appears to be a maelstrom of doubt.
Today, the Georgia Pardons Board has denied Davis clemency, and Georgia's governor has no power to grant it. Efforts to get the Chatham District Attorney Larry Chisholm to stop the execution appear to be to no avail, as Chisholm states he has no power to withdraw a death warrant. It looks like Davis' execution will proceed.
I'm not in favor of the death penalty, but I'm not fond of cop killers, either. That said, I would rather let a guilty man live than execute an innocent one. It's not like we don't have time to figure this thing out or stop the gears if there is this much reasonable doubt. The problem is the standard of review for Davis' case is that he would have had to have shown with clear and convincing evidence that no jury would have convicted him had they had the new evidence before them. Why should we require clear and convincing evidence NOT to execute someone when we only require guilt beyond a reasonable doubt TO execute someone? Why don't we require clear and convincing evidence to execute someone in the first place?
I've signed the petition to stop Davis' execution, posted it on my Facebook page, sent emails. Even if Davis is executed, that doesn't mean that the issues of the procedural hurdles and the Georgia governor's inability to grant clemency should die with him. No matter what happens, perhaps the way forward is to get rid of the death penalty altogether or reform how we convict people and sentence them to death. Maybe the way to start is to boycott those states that have executed people whose convictions leave room for reasonable doubt. I hate to say it, but maybe folks of conscience need to stop spending money in Georgia until it reforms its criminal justice system.
I pray for a just resolution and mercy for Troy Davis. I pray for courage for those who have the power to stop this execution, if they exist.
Give It Up, Turn It Loose: Fear of a Statin
Yours truly has been on vacation. The time away from work has been good for me and given me a new perspective and greater focus. Thanks, dear readers, for your patience with my absence. I also wanted to continue to use my little postage stamp of cyberspace here to promote the Angie Stone "Black is Beautiful" concert this Friday in Atlanta that will be supporting the 100 Black Men's "Project Success" to get more underserved kids to college.
That said, I had somewhat of a health shake-up while on vacation, and I figured I would share it with you in hopes that you might have your own health epiphany.
While on vacation, I finally got some blood work done that I needed to complete for my annual physical. My doctor emailed me and said that my results were "spectacular" except for one thing:
My cholesterol level.
Seems it's been on the rise for years now, and for the second time, she has suggested that I start a light dose of statins.
And for the second time, I resisted. "No, please, " I responded. "Once you start taking high blood pressure medication or statins, you're stuck taking that stuff for the rest of your life. Give me the chance to reduce it through diet and exercise. I've already lost 14 pounds this year, " I pleaded in an email. My doctor informed me that taking statins doesn't always last forever, and taking them is a faster way to reduce one's cholesterol than just diet and exercise, although improvements in diet and exercise are highly recommended, too.
I know she's a scientist, but my experience has taught me this: No one in my family has ever gotten off statins.
On my maternal grandmother's side, every woman of my mother's generation to whom I am biologically related had a heart attack. My mother had two, starting in her early fifties, both my maternal aunts died of heart attacks, and even my maternal grandmother had a heart attack. Now, there are some caveats. My mom and her sisters were all smokers. My maternal grandmother, however, was not.
Simply put, heart disease runs in my family, and it is an assassin of women.
But my cholesterol level wasn't always high. In fact, in my late twenties and early thirties, my cholesterol level AND my blood pressure were abnormally low. Even my doctor couldn't understand it given my family history. I could.
When my mother had her first heart attack in her early fifties, it jolted me into making lifestyle changes quick, fast, and in a hurry. I was in my twenties and I quickly gave up red meat and caffeine. I also got in the habit of running on a semi-regular basis. I didn't drink a lot of soda, and I did a lot of heart-healthy cooking instead of eating out. By my early thirties, when I was living in Oakland, I took up running around Lake Merritt for my health and -- I'll admit it -- to ogle hot black men in short shorts. Call me hopelessly heterosexual, but I was a healthy heterosexual. It was at this time when I had abnormally low cholesterol and blood pressure. Even when I later moved to Mississippi, I engaged in a failed attempt to give up meat altogether and tried being a vegetarian. In Mississippi, no less, where even the corn is fried. Yeah, call me stupid, but I was still healthier back then.
Fast forward to my late thirties through my forties. Not only did I start eating meat, but I started eating red meat. I loved me some In-N-Out Burger, The Habit, and any burger barbecued on an outdoor grill during the summer. My affection for dairy got out of hand to the point that I preferred cheese to chocolate and couldn't imagine a mocha without whipped cream. And the only running I had been doing had been to beat my local baristas from locking the doors at Starbucks at closing times.
Even without being a smoker, genetics are not on my side. After my email conversation with my doctor, I realized that there were some things I was going to have give up and turn loose if I didn't want to suffer the fate of my mom, her sisters, and her mother.
So I've given up red meat, milk, and cheese. I eat scrambled egg whites, not whole eggs, for breakfast. I've reduced my consumption of simple carbs -- waffles, breads, and the buttermilk pancakes that my nieces and nephews adore me for -- for whole grains, oatmeal in particular. I was already taking a multivitamin, fish oil pills, calcium with vitamin D, and iron. I've given up caffeine. I've almost eliminated fried foods. I'd already been walking for a half hour daily during lunch hour at work, but I know I've got to increase my activity level, too. I've got to get back to basics and do what used to work for me when I was healthier if I want to be healthy again.
I've learned to embrace low-fat vanilla soy milk in my oatmeal and in my decaffeinated coffee spiked with Splenda. I snack on almonds and apples. And when I treat myself, it's a soy decaf Caramel Macchiato.
In six months I will be re-tested. If my cholesterol level hasn't dropped or hasn't dropped sufficiently, I will give in and start the statins, but not without a fight. The fate of my maternal grandmother, maternal aunts and mother doesn't have to be my fate. Diet and exercise are within my control.
My doctor gave me one piece of advice that I want to share with everyone: If you do only one thing to improve your health and decrease your risk for heart disease, Alzheimer's disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure, it's exercise. Her recommendation is walking because it's the safest exercise and you can do it anywhere. Just 30 minutes of walking at least three to five times a week will pay dividends because of the consistency with which you do it. Her advice is any exercise is better than none at all.
So I'll let you know six months from now how this has all turned out. I share this with you, dear readers, to encourage you to make whatever changes you need to make in your lifestyle so that you may have a healthy future ahead of you. Let's make a liar of genetics, shall we?
To your health, dear readers. And to mine.
That said, I had somewhat of a health shake-up while on vacation, and I figured I would share it with you in hopes that you might have your own health epiphany.
While on vacation, I finally got some blood work done that I needed to complete for my annual physical. My doctor emailed me and said that my results were "spectacular" except for one thing:
My cholesterol level.
Seems it's been on the rise for years now, and for the second time, she has suggested that I start a light dose of statins.
And for the second time, I resisted. "No, please, " I responded. "Once you start taking high blood pressure medication or statins, you're stuck taking that stuff for the rest of your life. Give me the chance to reduce it through diet and exercise. I've already lost 14 pounds this year, " I pleaded in an email. My doctor informed me that taking statins doesn't always last forever, and taking them is a faster way to reduce one's cholesterol than just diet and exercise, although improvements in diet and exercise are highly recommended, too.
I know she's a scientist, but my experience has taught me this: No one in my family has ever gotten off statins.
On my maternal grandmother's side, every woman of my mother's generation to whom I am biologically related had a heart attack. My mother had two, starting in her early fifties, both my maternal aunts died of heart attacks, and even my maternal grandmother had a heart attack. Now, there are some caveats. My mom and her sisters were all smokers. My maternal grandmother, however, was not.
Simply put, heart disease runs in my family, and it is an assassin of women.
But my cholesterol level wasn't always high. In fact, in my late twenties and early thirties, my cholesterol level AND my blood pressure were abnormally low. Even my doctor couldn't understand it given my family history. I could.
When my mother had her first heart attack in her early fifties, it jolted me into making lifestyle changes quick, fast, and in a hurry. I was in my twenties and I quickly gave up red meat and caffeine. I also got in the habit of running on a semi-regular basis. I didn't drink a lot of soda, and I did a lot of heart-healthy cooking instead of eating out. By my early thirties, when I was living in Oakland, I took up running around Lake Merritt for my health and -- I'll admit it -- to ogle hot black men in short shorts. Call me hopelessly heterosexual, but I was a healthy heterosexual. It was at this time when I had abnormally low cholesterol and blood pressure. Even when I later moved to Mississippi, I engaged in a failed attempt to give up meat altogether and tried being a vegetarian. In Mississippi, no less, where even the corn is fried. Yeah, call me stupid, but I was still healthier back then.
Fast forward to my late thirties through my forties. Not only did I start eating meat, but I started eating red meat. I loved me some In-N-Out Burger, The Habit, and any burger barbecued on an outdoor grill during the summer. My affection for dairy got out of hand to the point that I preferred cheese to chocolate and couldn't imagine a mocha without whipped cream. And the only running I had been doing had been to beat my local baristas from locking the doors at Starbucks at closing times.
Even without being a smoker, genetics are not on my side. After my email conversation with my doctor, I realized that there were some things I was going to have give up and turn loose if I didn't want to suffer the fate of my mom, her sisters, and her mother.
So I've given up red meat, milk, and cheese. I eat scrambled egg whites, not whole eggs, for breakfast. I've reduced my consumption of simple carbs -- waffles, breads, and the buttermilk pancakes that my nieces and nephews adore me for -- for whole grains, oatmeal in particular. I was already taking a multivitamin, fish oil pills, calcium with vitamin D, and iron. I've given up caffeine. I've almost eliminated fried foods. I'd already been walking for a half hour daily during lunch hour at work, but I know I've got to increase my activity level, too. I've got to get back to basics and do what used to work for me when I was healthier if I want to be healthy again.
I've learned to embrace low-fat vanilla soy milk in my oatmeal and in my decaffeinated coffee spiked with Splenda. I snack on almonds and apples. And when I treat myself, it's a soy decaf Caramel Macchiato.
In six months I will be re-tested. If my cholesterol level hasn't dropped or hasn't dropped sufficiently, I will give in and start the statins, but not without a fight. The fate of my maternal grandmother, maternal aunts and mother doesn't have to be my fate. Diet and exercise are within my control.
My doctor gave me one piece of advice that I want to share with everyone: If you do only one thing to improve your health and decrease your risk for heart disease, Alzheimer's disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure, it's exercise. Her recommendation is walking because it's the safest exercise and you can do it anywhere. Just 30 minutes of walking at least three to five times a week will pay dividends because of the consistency with which you do it. Her advice is any exercise is better than none at all.
So I'll let you know six months from now how this has all turned out. I share this with you, dear readers, to encourage you to make whatever changes you need to make in your lifestyle so that you may have a healthy future ahead of you. Let's make a liar of genetics, shall we?
To your health, dear readers. And to mine.
Support 100 Black Men & Angie Stone's "Black is Beautiful Tour" 9/23 in ATL
I'm a fan of 100 Black Men. I'm a fan of black men, period. I'm also a fan of Angie Stone and Raheem Devaughn. And I know first hand that it's Better in the Bahamas. So the opportunity to support 100 Black Men, see Angie Stone and Raheem Devaughn in concert, help underserved Atlanta youth attend college AND possibly win a trip to the Bahamas is a no-brainer.
The Black is Beautiful Tour, hosted by the Islands of the Bahamas, features Grammy Award-winning songstress Angie Stone and Raheem Devaughn with laugh-out-loud comedian Lightfoot as host and will be held September 23 at 8:00 pm at the Atlanta Civic Center. The concert is an official event of the 23rd Annual Bank of America Atlanta Football Classic Weekend which pits the FAMU Rattlers against the Southern University Jaguars Saturday, September 24 at 3:00 pm at the Georgia Dome. Part of the concert proceeds will benefit the 100 Black Men's Project Support, which helps underserved youth in Atlanta attend college with tuition paid. One lucky concert guest will win an all-expense-paid trip to Paradise Islands in the Bahamas for 3 days and 2 nights.
This is an even more worthy event because my best friend, college roommate and Delta soror and sands Gloria Johnson Goins is co-promoting it along with AKA extraordinaire Deborah Riley Draper.
Purchase tickets online through Ticketmaster or at Ticketmaster outlets at Publix, Lennox Mall and Phipps Mall in Atlanta, get group tickets from Gloria at g_goins@yahoo.com or (404) 401-8011, and follow and like the event on social media:
Twitter: @beautifultour11
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Angie-Stone-Black-Is-Beautiful-Tour-2011-with-Raheem-DeVaughn/187563457960617
Please support this worthy event and share this far and wide. Here are the vitals:
Event location: The Atlanta Civic Center
Event date: September 23, 2011
Event time: 8:00 pm
Description: Grammy Award-winning songstress Angie Stone's Black is Beautiful Tour makes its first stop in Atlanta with singing sensation Raheem Devaughn and comedian Lightfoot as host. Hosted by the Islands of the Bahamas, a portion of the proceeds from this 23 Annual Bank of America Atlanta Football Classic Weekend official event will benefit 100 Black Men's Project Support, which helps underserved Atlanta youth attend college with tuition paid. A lucky concert goer will win an all-expense-paid trip to for 3 days and 2 nights at Paradise Islands in the Bahamas.
The Black is Beautiful Tour, hosted by the Islands of the Bahamas, features Grammy Award-winning songstress Angie Stone and Raheem Devaughn with laugh-out-loud comedian Lightfoot as host and will be held September 23 at 8:00 pm at the Atlanta Civic Center. The concert is an official event of the 23rd Annual Bank of America Atlanta Football Classic Weekend which pits the FAMU Rattlers against the Southern University Jaguars Saturday, September 24 at 3:00 pm at the Georgia Dome. Part of the concert proceeds will benefit the 100 Black Men's Project Support, which helps underserved youth in Atlanta attend college with tuition paid. One lucky concert guest will win an all-expense-paid trip to Paradise Islands in the Bahamas for 3 days and 2 nights.
This is an even more worthy event because my best friend, college roommate and Delta soror and sands Gloria Johnson Goins is co-promoting it along with AKA extraordinaire Deborah Riley Draper.
Purchase tickets online through Ticketmaster or at Ticketmaster outlets at Publix, Lennox Mall and Phipps Mall in Atlanta, get group tickets from Gloria at g_goins@yahoo.com or (404) 401-8011, and follow and like the event on social media:
Twitter: @beautifultour11
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Angie-Stone-Black-Is-Beautiful-Tour-2011-with-Raheem-DeVaughn/187563457960617
Please support this worthy event and share this far and wide. Here are the vitals:
Event location: The Atlanta Civic Center
Event date: September 23, 2011
Event time: 8:00 pm
Description: Grammy Award-winning songstress Angie Stone's Black is Beautiful Tour makes its first stop in Atlanta with singing sensation Raheem Devaughn and comedian Lightfoot as host. Hosted by the Islands of the Bahamas, a portion of the proceeds from this 23 Annual Bank of America Atlanta Football Classic Weekend official event will benefit 100 Black Men's Project Support, which helps underserved Atlanta youth attend college with tuition paid. A lucky concert goer will win an all-expense-paid trip to for 3 days and 2 nights at Paradise Islands in the Bahamas.
Stop Turding On President Obama's Vacation
Turd [vt]: when used with the preposition "on," means "to harshly and unfairly criticize someone's actions or work." Example: My boss turded on the report I wrote.
My ten year-old great-nephew taught me that "turd" is not only a noun, but a verb. It is a verb that applies to the press and the public's criticism of President Obama's vacation in Martha's Vineyard.
It seems that people, most of whom I would hazard to guess aren't Black, seem to have a problem with President Obama taking a vacation in Martha's Vineyard, either because of the timing or the location. To them I say, "Stop turding on President Obama's vacation."
For starters, before President Obama was a president, he was a father. As any parent can tell you, family vacations are often driven by children's school schedules, not their parents' work schedules. Most parents try to squeeze in a family vacation before their children return to school, and that's their business, even if they happen to be the Leader of the Freakin' Free World. The recession isn't going to get any better if President Obama doesn't take his family vacation right now for two weeks or so.
Second, Black people have been vacationing and -- gasp! -- living on ostensibly wealthy Martha's Vineyard since time immemorial. If the public has a problem wrapping its mind around this concept, I would commend to their reading Jill Nelson's "Finding Martha's Vineyard: African Americans at Home on An Island." Heck, among Black folks on Martha's Vineyard, President Obama is, well, nouveau riche. That said, his vacationing on Martha's Vineyard, an option not available to the vast majority of Americans, is no different than President George H.W. Bush vacationing at his family's estate at Kennebunkport (also during a recession), President George W. Bush vacationing at his ranch at Crawford, or President Kennedy vacationing at his family's estate in Hyannisport. All these locales are pretty much unavailable to the vast majority of Americans because they can't afford to rent or buy in these areas. Think about it -- when's the last time we had a broke-ass President, white or otherwise? I think the real issue is that out-of-work whites and Right Wingers desperate to retake the White House don't want to see a wealthy Black president vacationing in a wealthy area, even if he is nouveau riche.
Finally, press reports state that President Obama's immediate predecessor had taken far more days of vacation at this time in his first term than has President Obama by a factor of 3 to 1. In fact, of Presidents Bush (41 and 43), Reagan, Clinton and Obama, the only president who had taken fewer days of vacation at this point in his first term was President Clinton, another Democrat. Seems like Republican presidents like them some vacation, moreso than President Obama and President Clinton, both Democrats, I might add. I guess this means Democrat presidents just work harder, right?
I raise all this to say that the rules shouldn't change for President Obama, whether we're talking about vacations, debt ceilings, or whatever. But somehow, they always do.
America, stop turding on President Obama's vacation. In fact, just stop turding on President Obama, period.
My ten year-old great-nephew taught me that "turd" is not only a noun, but a verb. It is a verb that applies to the press and the public's criticism of President Obama's vacation in Martha's Vineyard.
It seems that people, most of whom I would hazard to guess aren't Black, seem to have a problem with President Obama taking a vacation in Martha's Vineyard, either because of the timing or the location. To them I say, "Stop turding on President Obama's vacation."
For starters, before President Obama was a president, he was a father. As any parent can tell you, family vacations are often driven by children's school schedules, not their parents' work schedules. Most parents try to squeeze in a family vacation before their children return to school, and that's their business, even if they happen to be the Leader of the Freakin' Free World. The recession isn't going to get any better if President Obama doesn't take his family vacation right now for two weeks or so.
Second, Black people have been vacationing and -- gasp! -- living on ostensibly wealthy Martha's Vineyard since time immemorial. If the public has a problem wrapping its mind around this concept, I would commend to their reading Jill Nelson's "Finding Martha's Vineyard: African Americans at Home on An Island." Heck, among Black folks on Martha's Vineyard, President Obama is, well, nouveau riche. That said, his vacationing on Martha's Vineyard, an option not available to the vast majority of Americans, is no different than President George H.W. Bush vacationing at his family's estate at Kennebunkport (also during a recession), President George W. Bush vacationing at his ranch at Crawford, or President Kennedy vacationing at his family's estate in Hyannisport. All these locales are pretty much unavailable to the vast majority of Americans because they can't afford to rent or buy in these areas. Think about it -- when's the last time we had a broke-ass President, white or otherwise? I think the real issue is that out-of-work whites and Right Wingers desperate to retake the White House don't want to see a wealthy Black president vacationing in a wealthy area, even if he is nouveau riche.
Finally, press reports state that President Obama's immediate predecessor had taken far more days of vacation at this time in his first term than has President Obama by a factor of 3 to 1. In fact, of Presidents Bush (41 and 43), Reagan, Clinton and Obama, the only president who had taken fewer days of vacation at this point in his first term was President Clinton, another Democrat. Seems like Republican presidents like them some vacation, moreso than President Obama and President Clinton, both Democrats, I might add. I guess this means Democrat presidents just work harder, right?
I raise all this to say that the rules shouldn't change for President Obama, whether we're talking about vacations, debt ceilings, or whatever. But somehow, they always do.
America, stop turding on President Obama's vacation. In fact, just stop turding on President Obama, period.
See Sade in Concert, 'Cause She Sings When She Wants To
She is reclusive, mysterious, breathtakingly beautiful, with a singing voice like no other that you recognize the instant you hear it. If you are a Sade fan like I am, do not miss this once-in-a-decade opportunity to see Sade (the singer AND the phenomenal band of the same name), because, and these are not my words:
"The bitch sings when she wants to."
Let me clarify. According to an article in The Sunday Times, Sade (the band) guitarist Stuart Matthewman saw a graffiti poster of Sade (the singer) in New York with the caption, "The bitch sings when she wants to." Supposedly she found it humorous.
Perhaps because it's true.
Sade has/have not been on tour in over ten years. The singer is the most successful British female singer of all time. She is notoriously reclusive, and 2010's "Soldier of Love" was her/their first CD in ten years. She does not want for money, doesn't particularly care for it, and lives a simple life with her daughter, partner and stepson. She feels as if she's won the lottery because she can do what she loves on her own terms. I would hazard a guess that that also means she can do it on her own schedule.
I know Sade (the singer) has her detractors. They are, in my estimation, unable to appreciate the beauty of a simple, haunting voice that conveys more emotion in a few notes than all the caterwauling, trills and runs of today's R&B divas. As far as I'm concerned, Sade is my generation's Billie Holiday. Folks who hate on Sade would have probably dismissed Billie Holiday back in the day, too.
The Sade performance at the Power Balance Pavilion was nothing short of spectacular, visually and otherwise. I hope opener John Legend was watching; he could pick up a few tips on how to put on a good show that appeals to the senses of both sight and sound. I won't even begin to describe it because I just don't think I can do it justice. If you consider yourself a Sade fan, you just need to go hear and see for yourself. Fly if you must.
There are artists I never saw in concert because, well, I always thought they'd be there: Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra, Etta James (now diagnosed with Alzheimer's), Ella Fitzgerald. Now they're not, and I'll never know how well they performed in person. The good thing about Sade (the singer) is that she gives you no illusion whatsoever that she'll always be there, that she'll always be touring.
So if you want to hear Sade (the singer) live, you best get your tickets, 'cause she sings when she wants to. And that might not be for another decade.
"The bitch sings when she wants to."
Let me clarify. According to an article in The Sunday Times, Sade (the band) guitarist Stuart Matthewman saw a graffiti poster of Sade (the singer) in New York with the caption, "The bitch sings when she wants to." Supposedly she found it humorous.
Perhaps because it's true.
Sade has/have not been on tour in over ten years. The singer is the most successful British female singer of all time. She is notoriously reclusive, and 2010's "Soldier of Love" was her/their first CD in ten years. She does not want for money, doesn't particularly care for it, and lives a simple life with her daughter, partner and stepson. She feels as if she's won the lottery because she can do what she loves on her own terms. I would hazard a guess that that also means she can do it on her own schedule.
I know Sade (the singer) has her detractors. They are, in my estimation, unable to appreciate the beauty of a simple, haunting voice that conveys more emotion in a few notes than all the caterwauling, trills and runs of today's R&B divas. As far as I'm concerned, Sade is my generation's Billie Holiday. Folks who hate on Sade would have probably dismissed Billie Holiday back in the day, too.
The Sade performance at the Power Balance Pavilion was nothing short of spectacular, visually and otherwise. I hope opener John Legend was watching; he could pick up a few tips on how to put on a good show that appeals to the senses of both sight and sound. I won't even begin to describe it because I just don't think I can do it justice. If you consider yourself a Sade fan, you just need to go hear and see for yourself. Fly if you must.
There are artists I never saw in concert because, well, I always thought they'd be there: Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra, Etta James (now diagnosed with Alzheimer's), Ella Fitzgerald. Now they're not, and I'll never know how well they performed in person. The good thing about Sade (the singer) is that she gives you no illusion whatsoever that she'll always be there, that she'll always be touring.
So if you want to hear Sade (the singer) live, you best get your tickets, 'cause she sings when she wants to. And that might not be for another decade.
What I Would Say to Today's High School Girls
I had the pleasure of having drinks and appetizers with some of my high school classmates, all of us Black women, all of us in our late 40's. We talked about our lives, the friends and husbands we kicked to the curb, the friends who kicked us to the curb, kids, and all kinds of sundry matters. It got me thinking: Knowing what we know now, what advice would I give today's high school girls? Here goes:
1) You won't keep all the friends you have in high school, and that's okay. Your interests will diverge, some will be jealous of what you're accomplishing, and some may be going through some things and can't be your friend. More often than not, though, you'll find out that some of your friends aren't really for you and aren't who you thought they were. You'll find that some even like to keep drama going because it's their way of continuing to be "somebody." It's okay to let them go. You may indeed be blessed by their absence.
2) Boys really aren't all that. There is no reason to turn your world upside down for a boy, especially a high school boy. Don't degrade yourself for them, don't tie your sense of self-esteem to having one, don't ever let one mistreat you. You will have a lifetime to have great sex in a loving (and hopefully) committed relationship. Don't settle for dysfunctional intimacy for the sake of being able to say you're having sex or that you have a boyfriend. Hold out for someone and something worthy of you. Having a boyfriend really isn't all that because they're not hard to have if you lower your standards enough. Even homeless crackheads have boyfriends. Not really an accomplishment, if I say so myself.
3) The things you think will break you won't if you don't let them. Collectively, the ladies I dined with have weathered some storms -- divorces, loss of parents, etc. Not a one of us was feeling sorry for ourselves. The things you think might break you -- divorce, loss of a parent, you name it -- won't necessarily break you if you don't let them These ladies were positive, vibrant woman who had made the most of their losses and moved on to happier lives.
4) People will remember you for what you did in high school, but it doesn't have to define you later in life. It's amazing that we remembered not only who our classmates were more than thirty years ago, but what some of them did back then. So don't think people won't remember that you had sex under the bleachers after homecoming with the entire offensive line or that you stole your best friend's boyfriend. That said, who you are in high school won't necessarily define who you will be. Life will change you and indeed it should, and some of the things you will do in high school are things you'll look back on and say, "What was I thinking?". If you grow up to be the exact person you were in high school, that means you really haven't experienced life. If you think you're going through some things now, as my husband's grandmother used to say, "just keep living." Then you really will go through some stuff, and it will indeed change you.
5) Treasure the good. When you do have good relationships -- a friendship, relationships with your parents -- treasure them. Work at them. Respect them. They're hard to find, harder to replace. This is one thing I'm really bad at myself, and I'm still working on it.
6) Know that God's got your back. All the ladies I dined with are church-going women. I'm not, but I consider myself to have a relationship with God. Having a relationship with God allows you to see beyond whatever current trouble you're going through and know that you'll get through it because He's got your back. I really don't know what atheists do in times of trouble, but I wouldn't want to be one.
7) Treat people the way you want to be treated, even if they don't deserve it. No sense in keeping drama going by mistreating those who mistreated you. Clear you conscience and your spirit by treating people the way you want to be treated.
8) You won't really understand how madly your parents love you until you're a parent. To a T, the women I dined with love their children madly, even though they recognize their children's foibles and faults. I'm not a parent, but I know first-hand from being around parents that most parents would walk through fire for their children and would do anything to protect them from the evils of this world, which is why they seem obsessed to you as you are trying to become more independent on the way to adulthood. Their profound love for you makes them fearful for you, and you won't really understand this until you have children of your own.
And, as I always say:
9) You may not get what you deserve in this life, but you'll definitely get what you settle for. Don't settle for anything not worthy of you -- a man, a relationship, anything that denigrates you or makes you feel less than who you are. You're a child of God. God created you. Act like it.
Good luck and God speed, high school girls. Hopefully you'll all be having drinks, appetizers, and laughs with your high school classmates thirty years from now.
1) You won't keep all the friends you have in high school, and that's okay. Your interests will diverge, some will be jealous of what you're accomplishing, and some may be going through some things and can't be your friend. More often than not, though, you'll find out that some of your friends aren't really for you and aren't who you thought they were. You'll find that some even like to keep drama going because it's their way of continuing to be "somebody." It's okay to let them go. You may indeed be blessed by their absence.
2) Boys really aren't all that. There is no reason to turn your world upside down for a boy, especially a high school boy. Don't degrade yourself for them, don't tie your sense of self-esteem to having one, don't ever let one mistreat you. You will have a lifetime to have great sex in a loving (and hopefully) committed relationship. Don't settle for dysfunctional intimacy for the sake of being able to say you're having sex or that you have a boyfriend. Hold out for someone and something worthy of you. Having a boyfriend really isn't all that because they're not hard to have if you lower your standards enough. Even homeless crackheads have boyfriends. Not really an accomplishment, if I say so myself.
3) The things you think will break you won't if you don't let them. Collectively, the ladies I dined with have weathered some storms -- divorces, loss of parents, etc. Not a one of us was feeling sorry for ourselves. The things you think might break you -- divorce, loss of a parent, you name it -- won't necessarily break you if you don't let them These ladies were positive, vibrant woman who had made the most of their losses and moved on to happier lives.
4) People will remember you for what you did in high school, but it doesn't have to define you later in life. It's amazing that we remembered not only who our classmates were more than thirty years ago, but what some of them did back then. So don't think people won't remember that you had sex under the bleachers after homecoming with the entire offensive line or that you stole your best friend's boyfriend. That said, who you are in high school won't necessarily define who you will be. Life will change you and indeed it should, and some of the things you will do in high school are things you'll look back on and say, "What was I thinking?". If you grow up to be the exact person you were in high school, that means you really haven't experienced life. If you think you're going through some things now, as my husband's grandmother used to say, "just keep living." Then you really will go through some stuff, and it will indeed change you.
5) Treasure the good. When you do have good relationships -- a friendship, relationships with your parents -- treasure them. Work at them. Respect them. They're hard to find, harder to replace. This is one thing I'm really bad at myself, and I'm still working on it.
6) Know that God's got your back. All the ladies I dined with are church-going women. I'm not, but I consider myself to have a relationship with God. Having a relationship with God allows you to see beyond whatever current trouble you're going through and know that you'll get through it because He's got your back. I really don't know what atheists do in times of trouble, but I wouldn't want to be one.
7) Treat people the way you want to be treated, even if they don't deserve it. No sense in keeping drama going by mistreating those who mistreated you. Clear you conscience and your spirit by treating people the way you want to be treated.
8) You won't really understand how madly your parents love you until you're a parent. To a T, the women I dined with love their children madly, even though they recognize their children's foibles and faults. I'm not a parent, but I know first-hand from being around parents that most parents would walk through fire for their children and would do anything to protect them from the evils of this world, which is why they seem obsessed to you as you are trying to become more independent on the way to adulthood. Their profound love for you makes them fearful for you, and you won't really understand this until you have children of your own.
And, as I always say:
9) You may not get what you deserve in this life, but you'll definitely get what you settle for. Don't settle for anything not worthy of you -- a man, a relationship, anything that denigrates you or makes you feel less than who you are. You're a child of God. God created you. Act like it.
Good luck and God speed, high school girls. Hopefully you'll all be having drinks, appetizers, and laughs with your high school classmates thirty years from now.
Debt Ceiling Mistakes All Around: I Call B.S.
So . . . Standard & Poors, which didn't downgrade all those mortgage-backed securities in the run-up to the housing bubble meltdown, found the stones to downgrade, of all things, U.S. treasuries?
I call B.S.
But first, there are a lot of mistakes to go around, starting with my own. My mistake was allowing the stop-loss orders on my 401(k) stock holdings to expire while all this debt ceiling madness was going on. I was preoccupied with other things going on in my life and just didn't pay attention. The unrealized gains on my 401(k) holdings took a major haircut from 29% to 8%. Nothing to do but ride it out. Had I had my stop-loss orders in place, I could have gone back and re-bought all my perfectly good holdings for a lot less, in essence shorting my own stock portfolio. I've got another fourteen years to ride it out, but lesson learned: Always keep your stop-loss orders in place so when stupid people panic and sell, you're not stuck talking about unrealized gains instead of realized gains.
Second, I blame President Obama for even negotiating the debt ceiling increase with the Tea Party Terrorists in the first place. Yes, I said it: Tea Party Terrorists. Mind you, I have friends in the Tea Party and I respect that they've done more than just talk -- they get out and support their candidates and hew closely to their principles. But to hold the debt ceiling hostage and create unnecessary worry in the markets? I call B.S. But the President should have never even deigned to negotiate the debt ceiling increase. He should have simply said, "No president before me has ever negotiated the increase of the debt ceiling that is an inevitable result of Congress passing a budget that requires greater revenues than our taxes provide. I'm not going to be the first." The off-the-record remarks should have been, "Oh HELL no, the first (real) Black president ain't going out like that. If Congress doesn't raise the debt ceiling, I will and let them fight it out with the Supreme Court."
Third, I blame the Tea Party and the Republican Party. Republicans, I know and like a lot of you, but your Tea Party is out of pocket and you need to get them in check. There is no way any elected official with any sense of statesman- or stateswomanship would have let the debt ceiling negotiations go for so long and so cattywhampus to the detriment of the entire nation. This whole thing was nothing more than an effort to embarrass and weaken the President, otherwise the spending would have been cut from the budget. Do you folks hate President Obama that much that you'd stick it to the rest of the nation to prove some point? It's a good thing I'm paying off my credit cards and my mortgage is a 30-year fixed, otherwise you folks would have to get a restraining order against me, especially the Tan Man (Boehner) in all his glorious ineptitude.
But I also blame Standard & Poors. Even as bass-awkwards as our political system has become, do you S & P asswipes really think France has a better chance of paying off its debt than we do? Really? Where were you guys when people with no jobs, a 500 FICO score and a barely discernible pulse were able to get no doc, interest-amortizing balloon mortgages for houses they could not afford? So, those folks were a good credit risk but the good ol' U.S. of A., which has never defaulted on debt, gets a markdown because of temporary insanity in Congress? I call major B.S.
Finally, I blame us as a nation. This recession was a man-made injury created by ignorance and greed. A lot of people are going to come out of it with lower incomes and lower net worth because many of the jobs we lost here in America aren't coming back. America, we used our homes as ATM machines and monuments to our own financial ignorance, and we allowed corporate America to pimp us, run with the money, and leave us -- as individuals and as tax-paying citizens -- holding the bag. All that quantitative easing and TARP money is just more debt on our national credit card.
And China is so not going to give us a limit increase on that credit card.
Time for Americans to wake up and play smarter, not harder, with our finances and our politics.
I call B.S.
But first, there are a lot of mistakes to go around, starting with my own. My mistake was allowing the stop-loss orders on my 401(k) stock holdings to expire while all this debt ceiling madness was going on. I was preoccupied with other things going on in my life and just didn't pay attention. The unrealized gains on my 401(k) holdings took a major haircut from 29% to 8%. Nothing to do but ride it out. Had I had my stop-loss orders in place, I could have gone back and re-bought all my perfectly good holdings for a lot less, in essence shorting my own stock portfolio. I've got another fourteen years to ride it out, but lesson learned: Always keep your stop-loss orders in place so when stupid people panic and sell, you're not stuck talking about unrealized gains instead of realized gains.
Second, I blame President Obama for even negotiating the debt ceiling increase with the Tea Party Terrorists in the first place. Yes, I said it: Tea Party Terrorists. Mind you, I have friends in the Tea Party and I respect that they've done more than just talk -- they get out and support their candidates and hew closely to their principles. But to hold the debt ceiling hostage and create unnecessary worry in the markets? I call B.S. But the President should have never even deigned to negotiate the debt ceiling increase. He should have simply said, "No president before me has ever negotiated the increase of the debt ceiling that is an inevitable result of Congress passing a budget that requires greater revenues than our taxes provide. I'm not going to be the first." The off-the-record remarks should have been, "Oh HELL no, the first (real) Black president ain't going out like that. If Congress doesn't raise the debt ceiling, I will and let them fight it out with the Supreme Court."
Third, I blame the Tea Party and the Republican Party. Republicans, I know and like a lot of you, but your Tea Party is out of pocket and you need to get them in check. There is no way any elected official with any sense of statesman- or stateswomanship would have let the debt ceiling negotiations go for so long and so cattywhampus to the detriment of the entire nation. This whole thing was nothing more than an effort to embarrass and weaken the President, otherwise the spending would have been cut from the budget. Do you folks hate President Obama that much that you'd stick it to the rest of the nation to prove some point? It's a good thing I'm paying off my credit cards and my mortgage is a 30-year fixed, otherwise you folks would have to get a restraining order against me, especially the Tan Man (Boehner) in all his glorious ineptitude.
But I also blame Standard & Poors. Even as bass-awkwards as our political system has become, do you S & P asswipes really think France has a better chance of paying off its debt than we do? Really? Where were you guys when people with no jobs, a 500 FICO score and a barely discernible pulse were able to get no doc, interest-amortizing balloon mortgages for houses they could not afford? So, those folks were a good credit risk but the good ol' U.S. of A., which has never defaulted on debt, gets a markdown because of temporary insanity in Congress? I call major B.S.
Finally, I blame us as a nation. This recession was a man-made injury created by ignorance and greed. A lot of people are going to come out of it with lower incomes and lower net worth because many of the jobs we lost here in America aren't coming back. America, we used our homes as ATM machines and monuments to our own financial ignorance, and we allowed corporate America to pimp us, run with the money, and leave us -- as individuals and as tax-paying citizens -- holding the bag. All that quantitative easing and TARP money is just more debt on our national credit card.
And China is so not going to give us a limit increase on that credit card.
Time for Americans to wake up and play smarter, not harder, with our finances and our politics.
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